Thursday, July 8, 2010

Recommitting.

Hi. So, here I am (again). I have been hiding. Can you tell? Hiding from my weight and the world in general. I knew I needed to surface, but wasn't quite sure if I was ready or not. I think I am ready to try again. I am just SO afraid of failing. Failing myself, failing YOU. I have been failing. Failing a lot. I know all the talk, "Do it for YOU, and no one else!" etc, etc. That is true, but that is HARD to do. So very, very hard.

So, this time, I am taking it in small baby steps. I have a new regimen, a different attitude. I am going to take it one day at a time. Do as much as I can that day, as long as it is something small. Even if that just means getting out of bed and walking up and down the stairs, or cleaning a toilet, or making dinner. It will be something. Some sort of movement. My goal now is to take it one tiny step at a time. My goal for now, lose 5lbs, then another, then another. I have to eat it in small pieces rather than take a giant bite each and every second of the day. So, right now, I am going to turn 196, into 191. And so on.

I have had the literal feeling the past few weeks when I put something un-healthy in my body, that it is like poison. I can feel that is it not good for me. I am pretty sure it is the Holy Ghost (the best gift I have ever been given) whispering to me that I shouldn't eat it. (Whether that is a bite of mac and cheese, or a giant piece of chocolate cake.) I am going to listen better. (I have been trying, but sometimes I ignore it out of spite.) Heh. This is a lot harder than I realized it would be.

So, I am back. Recommitting. Let's try again shall we?

11 comments:

Angela said...

You know a few months ago I cut out ice cream and candy to help me lose weight. I've also cut out processed dairy (anything that isn't raw like raw milk and raw cheese) Sure enough it is working. But as I went to the doctor today and talked to him about it and how good I was feeling he was like so what did you learn? Um, that I should have cut out dairy a year ago like you'd asked me too? And he responds, exactly! I get the poison concept. Good luck. I know you can do it!

AlliSMiles said...

That photo of you is unbelievable. You are gorgeous and inspiring. You can do it!

Becky Rose said...

my niece cut out dairy and lost 15 lbs with out trying. Cut out gluten and wheat and you'll loose more and your depression may go away all together! It worked for a friend of mine with 3 autistic boys!

Also, with depression take the drugs! people seems to not understand that the brain in an organ and when our kidneys and livers don't work- we take meds. When our bones are broken we wear a cast. There is nothing wrong with taking happy drugs! Everyone had their "infirmities". Be glad it's not something worse! Be glad you have the gospel to keep you away from things that cause more problems than help!

Mary said...

Baby steps are good- that's my kind of change!

Rachel said...

I'm exactly where you are (though quite a few pounds heavier because of my second baby) but you are inspiring! I love your attitude! We can do it! I'm here too.

佳皓佳皓 said...

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Josh and Anna said...

My problem is the word "until" I will do good until the bridal shower and the blasted dessert table, or until we were busy night after night after night making eating out a necessity. It's getting past those little obstacles that is the hardest. Hang in there, and if you fall, just try to do better the next day. Don't give up. Love you Kim:)

Olivia Singleton said...

Honey, I have the hardest time sitting back and watching you be so hard on yourself. I know you don't feel like you're being hard on yourself and you need to do this, but really. You're so beautiful and you're putting so much pressure on yourself. Sit back and be happy with everything that you are, and everything else will fall into place.

XOXO.

怡君 said...

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LoveYaMissYa said...

You go girl! I know you can do it. I only wish I was there to help push you along like you did to me so many years ago... I still think about you every time I pull on my shoes to exercise... you continue to be my inspiration! Love you!

michnielson said...

Just came across this post and loved it. Totally what I've been feeling too. I seem to remember something about a private weight loss blog. Did you ever do that? I think I need something like that to help me. Let me know.
michnielson@gmail.com