Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
We had a wonderful day. We woke up singing the Happy Birthday song, and the kids played and played all morning.
Around lunch time he opened his present:
He was THRILLED!
Then he told me while we cuddled on the couch during Memm's naptime, "Mom, I really need a little brother. I promise to be nice to him. " He. Is. Darling.
Earlier this morning I asked Mr. where he wanted to go out to dinner. He could pick ANYWHERE he wanted. All his choice. He said to me, "Um, I think I might like to have Chinese food." I was floored and laughed so much. So, tonight, we went out for Chinese food:
He loves the chopsticks, and surprisingly he is REALLY good with them.
Hubbs' mama gave the kids balloons for the special day. Our little family has this thing with balloons. It started when J-Man was a baby, we have always sent them up for "Papai do Ceu" or for Heavenly Father. I think it was a convenient way for us as parents to avoid the choking hazard and the tears and crying when the balloons finally lost their float. Either way, it has become a really fun tradition for us. When we lost Peanut, one balloon began going up for Peanut and one for Papai do Ceu. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. After reading Nie's balloon flights, it means even a little bit more. We sent up a little prayer for her family tonight too...
I love how excited they get when they watch them fly away.
Mr. Cutie Pants decided that we NEEDED some toys on the cake. "Sometimes Mom, there are toys on cakes. You know?!" So he ran and grabbed some of his recent favorites. A Transformer, the baby from the FP Dollhouse, and "Dragony".
Little Sis is starting to realize that birthdays are special and not for EVERYONE on that day. She was pretty upset and a little jealous. Mr. J was such a sweetheart to her all day, making sure she knew she was loved and included.
Make a wish! ("I wished for that I had one of 'Megatron'...and now I have one! Thanks Mom!")
I dunno if other parents endure these feelings when their first born turns five. I don't feel like I have been a mother for five years. That just seems crazy. I know it seems overly said, but really it has been the most remarkable five years of my life. He has brought me SO much joy. The things he says, the things he does, the way he is learning and growing each day surpasses my amazement. J-Man, you are an incredible artist. You have such an eye for beauty and for seeing the world in a new and different way. I really hope that you never lose sight of that. I hope you can always hold onto these qualities, and that I, as your mother can always encourage your growth, your learning, and your understanding, and that I can encourage you to do the things YOU want and LOVE to do. Keep doing such good things sweet boy. You are my heart!
They are mocking me.
I woke up Friday unable to chew. The left side of my Temporomandibular Joint was not working...like at all. It was the most painful thing to do just to get any food down. Ug.
So, since Friday I have been wearing my mouthguard.
"It sounds like I have finally hit puberty!" Thanks mrs. r. You are a bumm.
I have THE worst lisp in the world. So if you see me around, and I have the guard in, please know that is why I am not looking you in the eye. I can't even take myself seriously.
Dentist, me...tomorrow! Wish me luck.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Hubbs has a few days off this week. Because little man is turning 5. Whoop. whoop. Why is it that when your kid turns 5 you suddenly feel sort of...old? I dunno. That is for later this week.
Memms refused to go to bed. So Hubbs is working away in his office. I am working away in mine, and Memms is in my office jabbering away about life, how she needs a baby cradle, and how I "pwomised" her one. ;) So this goes on until about 11:45. She keeps talking to me, I keep talking to her. In walks Hubbs.
Hubbs: "Memm, you need to come lay over here on this blanket." (All in Portuguese mind you...I couldn't spell it to save my life.)
Memms: "But I have a blanket, I was talking to Momma!"
Hubbs: "You need to come lay over here because Momma can't stop talking to you."
Seriously, he moved her from right under my feet to about 10 feet away. She was laying in the hallway between us so I couldn't talk to her anymore.
She fell asleep in five minutes.
We were like giggly girls talking the entire night away. So funny right? Hubbs!
And then there was this, about four weeks ago:
The death of the "po'tock yeeeee'haw"! Remember the obsession? Well, when she was born my mom and sisters gave her this little horsey bank. She has loved this thing and loved this thing. And it broke...on the carpet of all places. Man we are good at breaking things on the carpet. First Jothan's teeth, now the horse.
She cried and cried and cried. Complete with a phone call to gramma to tell her of the tragic news.
"But you will buy me a new one right?"
"My horwsey bank!"
Dood how I love.
Friday, October 24, 2008
But 'fer realz' people let me educate you on the ways of my last month of budgeting.
It all started when the economy started going all crazy like. My husband, well, you know he helps people find and sell houses. He loves his job. He is THE best at it. With the economy the way it is, and with all of the mortgage lenders going kaput and struggling, it has really hurt the housing industry hard. That goes for all the little people involved too, from plumbers to electricians, etc. So, so, so sad really. :( Frowny face.
So, Hubbs and I sad down and had THE. TALK. The talk we have had for eight years. The one that inevitably tells me that I can no longer visit Target. The one that I know means I can no longer "wander" aimlessly through Wal-mart for hours while "grocery shopping". Ug. It came down to this: "Do you want our kids to have a roof over their heads?"
Cry. Cry. Cry. Commence me FREAKING...and realizing that something had to be done. (I didn't have the best spending habits, if I saw something I wanted or THOUGHT I needed, well heck I bought it. This included luxuries large and small.) This also brought up the fact that my business was in fact helping our family in little ways, and that for us to be able to stay in our home, I would have to stop giving such great deals to everyone. Which is SO hard for me because I photograph for the love, but now I MUST photograph for the need. I feel SO blessed at this time to have this gift, that it is blessing my family enough to put food on the table while hubby scraps up enough to pay our house payment. (You all know how this is though, because WE ARE ALL FEELING THE CRUNCH!)
Anyway, back to the positive of my budgeting.
For a little over a month, I have been on THE strictest budget EVER. I won't go into details as I believe finances are very personal, and each family is different, and no one can truly understand how someone gets from point a to point b. I just hope to inspire someone else out there who had my same PROBLEM of over-spending and 'retail therapy'. Oh how many days did I walk the isles of Target to soothe my fat butt and aching heart?
BUT GUESS WHAT?!!! In the past month I have been able to:
- Not walk into a store unless I know exactly why I am walking in, what I am going to buy and if I even need to buy anything.
- I have discovered how amazingly and totally awesome the Salvation Army store by my house is. Dood, guys, it is AWESOME!
- I have probably saved my family $1000.00. I am not joking. Not.
- Shot 10 sessions before the month is through.
- Without realizing it, I haven't taken my anti-depressant for TWO WEEKS.
- And best of all, remember this? I finally saw that EXACT same number again this week. It has been FOUR months. I am proud.
- We got a FRONT YARD. (Post to come...post to come.)
Coincidence? I think not. I think there is something truly powerful to be said about being in control of one's life. I am happy. Striving to live my religion has blessed us tremendously as well. Tithing has always been SUPER important to us, and now I feel we are seeing a blessing in our lives for having always paid it.
There are times when of course I feel like a slave to my pocketbook. I am sad when I can't just join my friends out to eat all the time. But, I am happier, my kids are happier. And of course, HUBBS is happier. :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I came across these from Miss BG's workshop. I, of course was not doing what I should be doing, instead I grabbed my co-attendee and new friend Shanna...and asked to photograph her. Seriously...isn't she STUNNING? I came across these today, and shed a little tear.
I have been thinking back to March when I attended the Film is Not Dead Workshop. I took SO many, many things away from that workshop, but it was there that I really think I gained an eye and a love for intimacy in a photograph. I love the way Jonathan captures people in headshots. I took what he taught us and ran with it...and dare I even say...took it a little overboard? I dunno...but either way I have learned to not fear close proximity to my client, that to get truly amazing art, we must get in close...see who someone really is, and capture that essence.
Anyway, just thought these shots of Shanna said so much. About her, about me as a photographer. How thankful I am to have grown so much this year. Thank you to my mentors!
Now, maybe someday you'll see all the work I did at these fabulous places...but then again you are...in each new session I post as I have been forever inspired. :)
So, it is 12:30 a.m. on Friday Morning. I had stayed up working, and little Memmory had decided to boycott sleep that night and stay up and work with me. Upon getting ready for bed, I say:
Memm: With the most serious look on her face..."But, I not an angel, I don't have wings."
"I don't know how to fly!"
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
So, J-dawg (and I) both started not to feel the greatest on Friday afternoonish. He was fine on Saturday...not 100% but no worse. Sunday morning, I woke up with a fever, and by Sunday afternoon little man had a fever of his own...and was starting to cough. So I sent the kiddos to bed early with medicine in his tummy. I, on the other hand had chills and the blasted fever that would go and then come back...go and come back. I couldn't sleep either.
Long about 2:30 a.m. I awake to hear this awful sound. When I first heard it, I thought, "What are the kids doing up watching television at this hour?!" It sounded just like the tv was on...so weird. Well, I get out of bed, and realize no lights are on...and that the sound I am hearing is J-Man wheezing in his bed. It is then I realize, okay he must have croup. So I sit him up, rub his back...ask him to cough...try to get his breathing back to normal, which I do. He really wants nothing to do with me but SLEEP...so I let him go back to bed. (I am still shivering with chills and my fever at this time.) I grab Memms from her bed and take her to my room, send Hubbs back to sleep with Jothan with the window open...praying that the sub-zero temps help the swollen throat he obviously has.
Fast forward to 4:00 a.m. I am awakened by Hubbs, "Kimmie! Come sit with Jothan!" I run into the bathroom...half delirious myself, to my little boy barely getting any air into his little body. He was limp, and coughing and convulsing (not literally...but that motion) trying desperately to get air through his swollen throat. I run to get him some cold water...he barely can get any through, I fear that he will inhale it because he can't even relax enough to try not to breath in at the same time as he drinks...I couldn't get him to settle down. I was just holding him and stroking his little back. Flavio and I wrapped him in a blanket and took him outside. As I walked back down the hallway to our room...BAM! I hit the floor. (Fever, my son can't breathe...I am obviously thinking the worst...PANIC ATTACK?!) As I am coming out of my passed out state, I hear little Memm on my bed:
"Momma, is "Dawson" going to die?"
"NO MEMM! He is not going to die!" (I'll be damned if that was going to happen to me...not that! NOT!" I storm to the front door...and tell Hubbs, "Take him to the ER...NOW!" (My husband is WAY faster than any ambulance I know of...and they were to the hospital in less than ten minutes.)
So they get to the new hospital in town...you know that one...if you live here you do...and they immediately pump him up on some steroids and get him on some oxygen.
Well, sometime in the first thirty minutes he got there, someone thought of the brilliant idea that J-Man needed to be moved up to Primary Children's Medical Center. So, Hubbs calls me after they begin taking him away....
Hubbs: "So they are moving him to PCMC."
Me: "Is he that bad?!"
Hubbs: "Well, the doctor up there wants to see him."
Me: "So, they are letting you drive him then right?"
Hubbs: "No...they are transporting him."
Me: "Will you ride with him in the ambulance?"
Hubbs: "Um, not exactly...see they are taking him in the helicopter."
Me: "Are you SERIOUS."
Okay...so remember how I had passed out thinking that my son was going to die in my arms because I couldn't help him, and somewhere in the back of my mind I thought he could very well not make it through this...then my Hubby tells me they are LIFE FLIGHTING him up to the children's hospital...throw all sanity out of my fevered mind at that point.
So, Memms and I...awake since early in the morn, are sitting on the couch watching all sorts of public television, when about ten minutes later I get a call from Hubbs, J-Man is okay...they are watching him in the PICU. "What?" The I-C-U. Dood!
Long story short...he is fine. Really, he is. We really aren't sure why he had to be Life Flown...only to be released 12 hours later...thankfully we do know he is okay! He is well, he was a pissy, pissy boy today, but he is alive!
The entire day today I just kept going over how he looked in the bathroom, how we must have felt, how frightened I was that I might lose him. I am reminded of what a gift he is to me. How special and intelligent his heart and mind. How much I would be lost without him.
The Spirit was totally keeping me awake on Sunday night/Monday morning. I wanted nothing more than to SLEEP and rest...but I needed to be the one to hear him wake up that first time...I hate to think what may have happened had Hubby not been laying right next to him when things went from bad to hell.
I am beginning to forget what a normal day/week/month may look like in our house...I sure as heck hope these kinds of things are not the new norm.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
And the best thing? They are looking for testers! DO IT!
Click here for more information!
YES I still love ALL of you...my friends...the people who know I am not usually so...quiet and unreturning of e-mails etc.
Survival mode has caused me to need to stay close to my family right now, and immerse myself in work. I promise the e-mails will be returned shortly...as well as to our regular scheduled programming, there is much to discuss.
All my love.