Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Positive Adoption Language

When I first became a part of the adoption realm, one of the things that hit me were the terms that people used to describe adoption. I was probably guilty of using some of them. Now, if I hear a term that is negative, I cringe...and try to educate. I found this article very insightful. Just thought I would share!

***Taken from http://www.internationaladoption.com/ ***
Positive Adoption Language
Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert © 2004

First introduced by Minneapolis social worker Marietta Spencer more than 20 years ago, positive adoption language is crafted to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. By using positive adoption language, we help abolish the old stereotype that adoption is second best – a dirty little secret that everyone knows about.

If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent, real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself.

Through the use of positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. By consistently speaking (and writing) in positive adoption language, someday this language will become commonplace – and the old hurtful terms will only serve to expose those who choose to be mean and small-minded. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption, like birth, is just another way to build a family. Both are important, but one is not necessarily better than the other.

There Are Better Ways to Say What You Mean
The old clichés "give up" and "put up for adoption" can slip out of our mouths almost unnoticed. However, are these phrases really accurate descriptions of what takes place when parents choose adoption? Of course not – no one who has gestated a child for nine months can cavalierly “give away” that child! Much heart-wrenching thought and soul searching goes into the decision to choose adoption for your child. Yes, parents do "give up" their parental rights, but do not give up on their child or give up loving their child. Saying that they “gave up” their child for adoption stigmatizes birthparents for deciding they aren't ready or able to parent. Saying that birthparents “gave up” their child is akin to saying that the birthparents made the wrong choice, when in fact, the birthparents made an incredibly strong choice by putting their child ahead of themselves.

Instead of contributing to the use of these outdated and hurtful clichés, those of us touched by adoption can do something to change the world for the better by using positive adoption language. We may have to go through a period of retraining our own minds and hearts while we carefully choose the words we use to describe adoption. We may need to (gently) correct and educate our family, our friends, and our co-workers. As we become more accustomed to using positive adoption language, we'll discover that this way of speaking about adoption will feel just as natural as the old hurtful clichés once did – and hearing the old clichés will offend us as much as a racial slur.

What we say and the words we use, communicate a lot about our values. The conscious and consistent use of positive adoption language affirms that adoption is as valid a way to build a family as birth. Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative phrases that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language you'll reflect the true nature of adoption – free of innuendo.

Additional Resources: Glossaries
Disabilities DefinitionsFrom the National Adoption Center, definitions of risk factors and physical, emotional, behavioral, and learning disabilities. Glossary of Adoption TerminologyFrom AdoptNet. Glossary of TermsFrom the California Association of Adoption Agencies. Glossary of Terms: Adoption SubsidyIf you are adopting a child who will receive a subsidy, these are the words to know. Glossary of Terms: InfertilityWords and terms used in the diagnosis and treatment of fertility problems, prepared by Drs. Aniruddha Malpani and Anjali Malpani Glossary of Terms: Mental HealthFrom the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration


Ashley said...

One of my proudest adoption moments was when my 72 year old grandmother went out of her way to learn PAD. I was so proud of her!

Britney said...

Thanks for putting this out there. I think most of the time people don't know what to say and what not to say.

Holly said...

This is a good article and a very good point. Maybe you can educate us a little on the right way to say things in everyday conversation. "Give up" is obviously wrong but most people still say "put up" - should they say "place" instead?

kimsueellen said...

Yes indeedy Holly..."place" is the proper and preferred term. You can never go wrong with place.

Dan and Wendy Babcock said...

Thanks Kim. I really appreciate the inFOmaTION. Oh, it was so FANTASTIC to talk to you last night.

Katie said...

This is a great idea, I may have to steal it for my blog too. One comment I get all the time is "Are you ever going to have any kids of your OWN?" As if Kiara is on loan to us or something. Just something to fill our time until the real, permanent members of our family come along. Oh the ignorance. I can never let that one go without correcting them. Thanks for helping educate.

ec said...

just have to say how much i love that picture of the little man. so cute.

arranged marriage someday? i'm sure he's already spoken for...