Friday, January 20, 2012

Full Breaths

I am SO thrilled to share the rest of this session with you next week. This session was some of my best and most favorite work which I shot for an etsy shop. I love etsy. Love, love, love, love. I also love Brittany, who I will introduce you to next week. Her shop is lovely. She is my kindred spirit, but I am giving too much away, so you'll have to come back and see the rest of the amazingness. (Amazingness is not a word, just so you know.)

For now, the reason why I will lock up my daughters until they are 30:

This week has been, well, it is hard to explain. Even as I type this out my breath is catching in my throat and I am not letting in the deep kinds of breaths. All week, they have been anxious, and shallow. I realize I am doing it, only too late to make up for the hours I have been doing it.

Life has been insane. I don't say that contritely. It is legitimately insane. For once, the majority of it has nothing to do with my own marriage, but rather people close to me suffering deeply in a similar circumstance that my husband and I have been suffering in. It has been SO weird to be on the other side of this, watching someone else and their once beautiful marriage crumble and not be able to do a thing about it. I have wondered if that is how people have felt about my marriage with Flavio. Stuck on the sidelines, not breathing deeply, wondering what to do, when really there is nothing that you can do.

My heart aches. Tremendously. It makes me want to fight all the more to make my marriage stick, while at the same time, when I see this family suffering, I can also see why dissolving the marriage is more bearable. It is so hard to be in the thick of the yuck. I have gotten so many texts from this family this week. They are all hurting, crying, sorrowing, and there is nothing that I can say except, "You have to just endure this. You have to go through it. There is no way out of it otherwise."

Then? I find my breathing shallow again. My anxiety heightens and my heart hurts all over.

This week? Yep, it has been crazy. I don't see the crazy ending anytime soon. I see it getting so much more awful before it can get better. I hope and pray our know, the awful my husband and I have endured, I hope the worst of it is over. I never want to be in the thick of the muck again.

Thanks for listening. Have a beautiful weekend everyone. I have a family session tomorrow. I am looking forward to it with so much happiness, then I get to assist at a wedding with one of my best friends.

Can't wait.

I hope we can all breathe a little more deeply this weekend.

Much love,


**Get geeky: All photos shot on a Nikon F100 with a 50mm 1.4 lens at f4.0 Kodak Portra 400 Film. **


Emily said...

I will do some extra deep breathing for you and that family. Someday I will have you shoot our family. It's on my bucket list. ;)

Ashley said...

Sometimes it helps to remember that when you're walking through Hell, at some point you're no longer walking into, but out of it.

"Helpless" isn't a feeling I do well. Especially when people are hurting. I'm sorry you've hurt so deeply and I'm sorry that you're now experiencing the agony of watching because watching usually doesn't allow for the peace that comes at some point when you're enduring.

If that makes any sense.

I'll make sure your loved ones are in my prayers this evening.

Aileen said...

gorgeous shot. stunning. love that you shot at f4 instead of f2 or f2.8. i love those extra non-blurred details. she's beautiful.

Sarah @ Fabric Seeds said...

Beautiful portrait. I love her eyes.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen ... Have a great weekend!

Ramblings of a Redhead said...

Sorry things have been so rough over there. Hang in. It'll heal with time. one of my favorite quotes...."When you're at the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on!" Find the silver lining day-to-day. xoxo