Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What the?


Sometimes, especially this week, I cannot fathom why so many seemingly terrible things are happening all around me. Happening to AMAZING people. Ugh.

I hate seeing my friends hurting.
In the course of two weeks I have seen a friend lose a baby, another deal with her baby being very, very sick in the NICU, another friend struggle with legal stuff as well as wondering if her husband will ever find his dream job. Friends I have never met, making decisions about cancer, something no parent should ever have to make. This is just the tip of the iceberg really, I could go on and on and on and on.

Then, things in my own life that I wish would just go away, keep coming back up, like bad Italian.
Seriously, when is enough, enough?

I don't have the answer to that. I wish I did. I had the opportunity to see an old friend tonight. I haven't seen her for 9 years. It was BOMB. The funny thing is, we got talking about my year last year...dood, people, it sucked! It sucked ace. Let's be honest, if this blog wasn't Rated PG13, I may be dropping a few f'bombs about how my year was.

It kills me to think back on it...while at the same time,
I feel so victorious over it.

The trials that seemed to weigh me down, the holes in my walls as proof, now stand as medals of courage and valor, and reminders of where we have come from...and that no matter how bleak things look, there is time to heal the wounds.

Time to break free and hope for something better.
That is it never the answer to give up, but to keep fighting.
Because we all know how cool it is to be a winner.
How thankful I am to finally be on the other side for give my hope and heart to those who need it so badly.

I just wanted my friends to know tonight how much I love them.

How often I think of them, and pray for them, and hope for them, and wish the best for them.

  • Those who are waiting for babies, both through adoption, and through pregnancy, or hoping for pregnancy.
  • Those who have lost their babies do to death and other tragedy.
  • Those praying with swollen eyes over their babies whose future is still uncertain.
  • Those who watch daily, their little one suffering with cancer (damn brain tumors, damn them!) and are not sure how many more days they will have with their six year old.
  • Those who are seeking for peace and finality in their hope to be a forever family.
  • Those who really would like to tell their boss to suck it so they can feel a grander scope of what this world has to offer...something other than limbo. (I hate limbo.)

Just praying for you...all of you, with all of my heart. All of it, not one spot left for anything but.


Kristina P. said...

Beautiful post, Kim. You are such a kind, thoughtful person.

mrs. r said...

i hate limbo too.

thanks for the lovin'!!!

i miss you.

blair said...

you are one inspiring woman, miss kim!
i really think we should gather sometime, i would love to see your gorgeous tummy secretly! ;)

Katie said...

I didn't want last night to end (except for the obstenant child part!) and I am so grateful for your friendship! You inspire me so much and I totally and completely adore you. Thank you so much for caring. We've got to get the kiddos together before I leave! Monday? Thanks again. I love you!

The Gag-nears said...

Have I ever told you that Garth reads your blog and always comments on what an amazing writer you are. You have a gift. thanks for always coming and making comments on my blog it makes me feel special. You crack me up. You rock and are a rock. Love you.

Ron and Jessica said...

It IS cool to be a winner! You crack me up!

Carrie said...

I love that even during your darkest hours, you still cheered on everyone else. These people are so lucky to have you on their side.

So glad you survived "the year from hell." And so glad your helping others survive their own hellish times.

The one thing I can say about people like yourself and the ones you have mentioned in this post is that you are the ones who when this life is over, will sit down in heaven with the pioneers and compare stories- and will actually have something to compare. the rest of us sissies will just look on with awe.

Lace said...

I was just reading a conference talk by Elder Scott (you know the one where he's talking about losing his wife 14 years ago and about how they lost two precious babies with in six weeks of each other) this is going on my fridge:

"I know it was His will. I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties."

...the opportunity to over come difficulties, sometimes hard to look at it that way, but at the same time, I think when you look back and say you feel "victorious over it" I think this is what you are saying.

I sincerly wish you and your friends peace in all these trials. I hope things start looking up.

Becky said...

Thanks for the well wishes! I am having the worst week ever! I just want to tell someone... Anyway - this really picked me up! How has life been treating you? I hope all has been going well! Let me know what you are up to! Check out our adoption blog at and tell your friends about it or link us on your blog!

ec said...

i've read this post a bazillion times ... well mostly just stared at that picture of the boy. he makes me want one of my own;)

we'll see ...

and you are fabulous. know that others are praying for you too.

Amy and Josh said...

It is SO hard seeing others suffer around us . . I am sure they are very fortunate to have you in their corner:)

Lechelle said...

Thank you. You are inspiring.