Monday, April 20, 2009

My kid! Argh!


So, I am having a little problem today with my youngest. She is the sweetest, most gentile, and loving little being so today really came as a shock to me and I am trying to understand why and what to do with her.

After Family Home Evening tonight, which consisted of eating dinner outside, playing, and pulling all the weeds in our new baby grass, I decided our treat would be to walk down to the 7-11 and get Slurpees.

My first mistake was staying outside with Memms and the bikes. (I should have gone inside with Hubbs and J-Man. There was this guy outside the sev with his dog, and he was obviously walking his dog (I have seen him many times.) Anyway, he is a very over-weight guy. Very. So, I start chatting with him a bit...we both say hello, yada, yada, yada. Then, as he is leaving with his headphones on (me praying he didn't hear what came out of Memms mouth) she says:

"Mom! That guy is SO fat!"

She said it loud. I start bawling. Where on earth did my little girl learn this? I know in my husband's culture, his parents are always making one comment or another about how people look (this infuriates me btw) and I am wondering what kinds of things are being said when I am not with my children. I can't help but wonder if this is where she picked it up? Or is it just something that she learned on their own? I am not looking to blame, I just feel awful.

As I gained my composure, Hubbs came out to inform me that they were out of Coke Slurpee and that Memms and I needed to come in and choose a flavor.

He looks at me and I recount what had just happened.
We sit down and have a talk with her, about how it hurts people when we call them names, etc.
(She is the queen of getting upset when people call her names, albeit nicknames, whatnot...she HATES it.)
So anyway, I am HOPING she got it...and praying that this man did not hear her.

Have you ever encountered this with your children? How did you get over feeling like you were the worst parent of all time?

I am going to go eat my king sized candy bar I got instead of a Slurpee, I feel like crawling in a hole and dying of mortification. Maybe if I do this, she will make the comment to me and not so someone else. And believe me, I already know how big my butt is, she has told me. Oi.


michiganbliss said...

No advice here. All I can now think about and will think about all night long is a Coke slurpee. Yum. Sounds so good. Thanks a lot.

Speaking of yummy, your little one is to die for...seriously that blasted cute. I am sure if he did hear her, he completely forgave her with just one look at those eyes.

Midwest Mommy said...

From my experience teaching first and second graders she wasn't being mean just stating the obvious or an observation out loud. Usually they don't even realize what they are saying and how hurtful it can be. I was in the middle of teaching about magnets and I asked if anyone had any questions, a little boy raised his hand and said "Um, why do you look so fat today?" In the moment I broke down and cried (I was stressed about parent/teacher conferences that were that night) but when I looked back he was just noticing I looked different because I never wore dresses and they made me look wider, lol! Kids! It's how they learn she will see how people react to her observations and eventually think first.

Marty said...

Did you still let her have a slurpee?

Cassie said...

Oh the brutal honesty of the wee little ones. Alyssa tells me I have a big butt all the time. I like to think she's learning opposites and comparing it to her tiny tooshie. Then there was the time she told her auntie "my mommy has hair on her bum" That was a fun day too... Squeeze that observant little sweetie for me. I love her.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

The joys of raising children. I have no advice, because I deal with similar things all of the time. Van told her Grandma how bad she stinks...true statement, but no one dares to tell her!! Van has also told me that I am chubby, but what do you do...what is a true statement too!! lol

I have tried to teach her, but it is hard! Especially when you tell them not to lie. She is getting real good at being sarcastic! We all have "issues" to work on with our children.

You are most. def. not a bad Mom...even tho I think that we all have our moments.


Andrea Lemon said...

Oh ... we just experienced something similar to this with our 6 yr old. We were at a really nice restaurant with my in-laws in CA and Sam had asked my Mother in law how old she was. A few minutes later, when the waiter walked by Sam blurted out to the waiter "Guess how old my Grandma is? She is (her age here)." I know she was mortified.
As soon as Sam said that, we jumped on it and said that isn't something you tell everyone. It is private information that you only tell other people in your family. The waiter was very cute and coorporated in the discussion also. He told Sam that is was alright, that it was "their little secret."
If I remember right, I think Sam has also said something along the same lines of "that person's fat." All we have said is that is not ok to keep pointing that out, but if he feels he has to share, to share it quietly with us only.
Hope that helps.

Arianne said...

yes little kids are SO honest. anika has done stuff like that in the store if she sees someone with a tatoo she always shouts. WE DONT HAVE TATOOS DO WE??? oh we just need to teach them respect. let me know how so I can teach my child the same thing.

anika told me the other day that I need to have a belly like hers FLAT! :) again gotta love the honesty!!

Andee said...

Dude, I don't even KNOW you very well and I know that you are a WONDERFUL MOMMY! Don't even worry! All little kids are that way.

Barrett said...

I don't know that this was learned behavior. She's just being observant and not realizing it could hurt someone's feelings if they heard it. That's good that you sat her down and explained it to her (you may have to do it more than once!) Karah will say she doesn't like this person or that person because she doesn't like their hair or their clothes or she likes this girl because she looks like a princess. I have to keep reminding her it's not okay to not like someone because of how they look! She made a new friend Sunday that she liked because of her voice! I guess that's okay to be drawn to people but not to judge just by looks! Kids are just soo honest! (And they tell people things that were supposed to be telling Grandma and Grandpa that their dog is too spoiled and they shouldn't spoil their dog so much...wonder where she heard that! eek!) I don't think kids are doing their job if they aren't making us want to hide sometimes!

Amy said...

Yay for teaching her compassion and kindness. Its cool that she's learning at such a young age. Chin up Kim, you're a great mommy!

Manda Jane Clawson said...

Not to worry cute Kim! Kids just seem to say it as they see it don't they? :) The important thing is you talked with her about it. You are a great Mom!!!

Becky said...

I hate to say this... mostly because I am not sure if it will help and it may not be what you want to hear...

One of the things we love most about children is their innocense. Their ability to not be harmed by the world and the cruel things we have to learn as we grow up. Another endearing quality of children is their honesty and truthfullness. Maybe she wasn't saying it to hurt the man, but just "calling it like it is" in a childish manner. It could be that she was a little shocked since she isn't around overweight people a lot. Remember that although it is polite to not call people names, the innocense of youth is precious. Your correcting her was totally appropriate, especially since she is hurt when she is called names... it brings it to life a little when you say, "You don't like it when people call you names, and yet you just called that nice man a hurtful name." You are excellent people/parents. Just remember that you cannot always be around your daughter so she can be influenced by others. (I know the feeling) and you will be the one showing her a good example of what Christ would do in that situation.

Kudos Kim-ba!

Holly said...

Been there. I don't remember doing it myself but my whole family tells me (over and over) how I walked up to my mom's best friend, held out my arms to illustrate and said "'re SO fat!". Maybe Kharma is real and that little statement has come back to curse me If nothing else works you could horrify Memms into submission that way ;-)
In all seriousness, though...Robbie does the same thing. He hasn't said anyone is fat but at the library he freaks out if a dirty or somewhat different (I assume homeless) person tries to share an elevator with us. He falls down screaming "I don't want him to come!!!!" Talk about embarrassing.

Cory and Becca said...

I wouldn't worry so much, chalk it up for a nice story to embarrass your daughter with when she is older...little ones can make very blunt observations while still not fully aware of what social graces allow the truth to be spoken and which ones don't! :) You will be far from the last parent that has that experience, it is something that is generally speaking beyond cultural differences. Right now, they don't quite know better yet, when they are teenagers you can chalk it up to what my mom simply labels "teenage brain damage disorder" -lol-Looking back, I know that 'disorder' didn't escape my teen years (my poor mother!) :)

Carlykins said...

sometimes i wish the statement to become as a child meant that we could say what we thought :) although i would only want the rule to apply for me to say things and not people to say things to me ;). I love kids. Oh the moments you want to crawl in a hole and be invisible. I remember one time went home and cleaned before i picked up Aly and when we got back to the apartment I had a friend of the male gender behind me, she said really loud "mom now i know why you came home before you picked me up, to clean cause this place is usually a disaster." WOW, I wanted to DIE!. To bad most people don't take into consideration that half of what children say is either exagerated or well the truth ;) . Can't take what they say as doctrine even though sometimes it is ;) . Maybe her saying that will give him the push he needs to get into shape ;) .

Lace said...

We had our dinner outside last night too- it was the perfect dinner weather- absolutely perfect!

I have to laugh cause Ayla looked her friend in the eye just yesterday and said "Rita, you're bossy!" It was so matter-of-fact I could tell that she wasn't trying to be hurtful, but I did explain to her that it wasn't a nice thing to say to people.
I know I would have felt the same as you in your situation, I think these sweet little 3 year olds are just being observative, it must be a stage! I'm sure if the man heard he would be understanding... I can't tell you how many times little kids ask me about the "chicken pox" on my face, I blow it off, and adore their innocence.

Shan said...

We have had to have several family nights with the lesson centered on How Heavenly Father makes some people different becuase there is a midget that we see often at the library and Shaylee almost every time points at him and says something like "look how short he is" or "he is a little man mom!" loud enough to be heard, or "there is that little man again". Stuff like that. We have talked till we were blue in the face trying to explain this. So the last time we saw him, she blurts out loud "mom, see I didn't point at the little man this time!" Geese. I so don't know how to teach that, or when it will sink in, but it is a hard lesson to learn. This parenting stuff....yikes. I sure don't have it down. I will take any pionters you got sista.
How ya feeling?? ........If it makes you feel better, the more I try to stay in shape with this pregnancy, the more I want chocolate donuts. Sucks. It shows in all the wrong places!

The Gag-nears said...

dude - no worries, kids speak the truth from their own eyes and there is nothing you can do it. She just said out loud what everyone who sees that guy things. Maybe it will inspire him to go get on a treadmill himself instead of eating the aforementioned cupcakes. eh? :)

Ron and Jessica said...

She's no meanie :)
I remember one Sunday (when I was little) I picked my brother up from his Primary class. He's six years younger than me. So we were walking down the hall to find our parents and saw this women with legs the size of me. My brother (practically shouting it felt like) said "Her legs are FAT!" Talk about embarrassing. But kids are just observant like that and don't realize it can be hurtful.

Amy and Josh said...

This is one of my greatest fears with my kids. They just say whatever. I think you handled it SO well! What a good mom you are Kim!

Ariana said...

I don't miss the "that person is so _____!" phase at all. My daughter was that way for quite a while when she was around 3/4. It was torture. I knew she was just plain old curious, but geez.

I ended up telling her that we only talk about people in the car or at home. That seemed to work really well... we'd have many conversations about people's appearances while driving home. lol

Oh and that picture is so flippin' perfect for that post! lol