Thursday, April 16, 2009

Too many days without Prozac.

I hate talking about it. I hate admitting I need them.

I thought I was doing so good.

I had weaned myself off unknowingly.

Then I realized this evening that I really need to keep taking them.

I am super weepy. Obscenely grouchy. And, ULTRA sensitive.

So, tonight, I took one. I am praying that once they hit my system in the next few days I can feel like I can breathe again. How did I ever live without this little kiss of wonder? It hasn't been that long, maybe a week, but dang Gina.
I can't stand admitting I am weak, but perhaps if I do, then maybe others in my situation won't feel so alone, like I feel now.

Tonight I almost wigged out on Hubbs. Well, in my mind I wigged out on him good. I would say "poor guy" but he is fine. Tee hee.
I am SO angry and upset over something so silly.

Why oh why was I cursed with such Biznatchiness?
Is it hereditary?
Am I alone? Please, please tell me I am not. :(
Or perhaps maybe I am just depressed because all of the Easter candy is gone?

ENOUGH of that...

As for happier things, I just totally updated my photography logos, bid'nez card and blog thanks to this lady. Thank you are amazingly talented, I highly suggest you use her!

You may have noticed over yon <------ That I have this cool new button that takes you to my uber cool photography blog. Why just the photography blog you ask? Well, because I am officially announcing that in June 2009 I will have a website up and running. MY website up and running! (I am SUPER excited and stoked at the possibilities.) I can't wait to stare at it all the time. But for now, get your fix here:

(Clicky, clicky.)

Check back often, I have lots of fun sessions coming in the next week...some had to wait because they were surprises. Shhh.

Heart you peeps!


Olivia Singleton said...

Oh my goodness I was so grumpy today. I haven't been grumpy like that in YEARS. I didn't even know what to do with the emotion. We all have rough days and deserve a little bit of a freak out from time to time.

I truly hope that you can know that depression medication doesn't make you weak. The medication doesn't define you. The medication just helps your mind function so you can be your absolute beautiful self.

Andee said...

I'm pretty sure today was just a bad day for everyone!! I was the SAME WAY..I pretty much ripped everyone that I came in contact withs head off today.(just ask my roomates).
We all need those days every once in a while right??

You are awesome. seriously.

Lisa said...

You are not alone Kim. Never feel bad for taking the meds. I need them too. I suffered for 5 years without them and I will never go back to how it was. God helps men invent things to help us and I truely feel these meds were sent from God for me and for others.

mrs. r said...

like DIET COKE, God put those meds on the Earth for you to use them. he inspired brilliant scientists and doctors to create them.

go for it, lady!

Lace said...

I am in love with your little blue birdy logo and button. So cute!

I hope you're feeling better today. Horomones just suck. too many of them, lack of them, whatever, they just never really seem to be ballanced. I totally agree with mrs. r- meds were invented to help and there is nothing wrong with that! If there were a cure for Cancer or even a cure for the common cold I don't think anyone would feel bad about taking that! I say if they make life easier, and I know they do cause I've been on them before, then that's all that matters! Hope today is a better day and the next even better.

Love ya!

Kristina P. said...

Kim, you are NOT a failure because you take Prozac. I think that takes a lot of courage to admit. I hope you have a great weekend!

Carlotta said...

I am going to give a BIG PHAT AMEN to all the comments here!! Right now I am being attacked for taking meds and going to therapy. It stinks yet I am being reminded all the time that it takes a bigger person so to speak to admit that they want the help and that they are aware enough of themself to change it and that something does quite feel right. It took my doctor asking me if I had diabetes would I take the insulin or if I had a broken leg would I get a cast, or if I had a cut would I get stitches? Well of course I said. That's when he told me then why not help make sure that all the wiring in your brain is going in the correct direction and that all the chemicals in your brain are producing the correct amounts? It really made sense at that point especially when I knew I couldn't control some of what I was feeling no matter how hard I tried, just like somebody who has diabetes can't sit there and tell their body to process their foods right and create the correct amount of insulin. It is harder for society to accept when it is internal and it can't be physically seen. I would bet to say that a majority of those that knock us that take meds might need it themself. Hormones blow chunks. Life experience hands it to us and it affects how our brain works too. I talked to a doctor and she said they have MRI's of those that are adults that had highly stressful childhoods or that were ADHD or things of that nature and there was actual scaring on their brain. That it has made it harder for them as adults to "change" certain behaviors or moods and that their meds help them a lot, yet they have to make a conscious effort to apply behavioral skills. It is all so fascinating. So as hard as it is for some people to go on meds, in the end it will save them from long term affects and having to take higher doses possibly. A doctor told me that specializes in meds that the sooner you start it is like training a puppy. It is easier to train a puppy then and adult dog. That once it is an adult, they are pretty much set in their ways. It is the same with the brain. So now that I have completely gone off here on my soap box, in a nutshell.... lady- IT'S ALL GOOD!!! I am grateful to be born in a time where there are solutions to what I am feeling instead of being a pioneer and crossing the plains. Heaven only knows I would have needed meds then too. ;) Maybe a little something Xtra - LOL . Be kind to yourself, you have another life inside of you, that's a full time job and that's enough to set thing off kilter. Loves and LOTS of them. Take care.

Jon said...

Kim, As a medical assistant, and friend, it scares me that you went off Prozac so fast. You need to be careful about not taking prozac and if you decide to really go off Prozac, you need to wean yourself slowly. It can do the opposite by going off it too quickly.

Now for the friend talk. I have had postpartem depression. I just barely stopped taking Zoloft a few months ago. Right now I am trying no meds, but it's REALLY hard at times. Thanks for talking about this, it makes me feel like I'm not alone. (Our husbands are so good to put up with us. They should get some kind of medal.)

marci helen said...

i'm with logo is too cute! well done leisha!!!
you are always so, well, fashionable! you make me jealous! keep up the good work, and here's to sunshine and blue skies heading your way! (literally and emotionally)

Rachelle said...

hi! i think i needed to find this post today and so glad i found your site! :) ditto.ditto.ditto. nothing wrong with meds. i've been on it for just under a year. what a huge difference. i use to feel bad or ashamed for needing it, but now i'm just so thankful that there is something that helps me feel like "me".... cuz the you said, just isn't! you're adorable! thanks for the smile today! :)

Anna said...

Kim, you are one of the nicest people I know and believe it or not, even the nicest people hit the rock bottom at times and that is absolutely okay. Yesterday for me was okay but you should have seen me the day before that and the day before that one, lol let just say the whole week I was nothing but a beeeeeee. Everything was pissing me off, every little thing was setting me off. Ask your brother, he thought I was loosing it. We all get this way sometimes our husbands too. That does not make us bad people, its only reminds us that we are human, life is not always perfect but it is beautiful. Love you, and hope you start feeling yourself again soon.

Carrie said...

Seriously- I think you were just writing about me! Ha! Just ask my hubs! I started on the "magic pill" a couple of months ago and seriously, I'm beginning to wonder why it took me so long and also how long I'm going to have to take it! Will I forever need to because I'm seriously crazy without it? LOL!

Missed you! Hope you are doing fantastic lady! For the record- I'm depressed over the Easter candy, but I think it's more that I'm depressed because I ate way too much of it and am now suffering the consequences! WHY does Cadbury have to do this to me every year?

Love you!

queenofhaddock said...

I don't know what I'd do without my "happy pills"! More people take them than admit it. There shouldn't be any shame in it...

Liz said...

Don't worry about medication for depression or "moodiness." Every now and then, even if they don't want to admit it, people need more help than they know. After every pregnancy, I need a little medication to even out my hormones. There's nothing wrong with getting help if you need it!

I'm with you, sister!!

Becky said...

Kim-Ba ~
I take "the lexapro" -it makes it sound old timey when you add the word "THE" in front of it...for depression. I don't konw how I would have functioned without it and am glad that I take it. Having to take medication to lead a good life because of a little pill's help - isn't something to be ashamed of - YOU ARE NOT WEAK... in fact you are one of the strongest people I know.

I love ya!


Kirsten said...

I'm not going to talk about the meds, because everyone already has. I just wanted to let you know that I adore your photography.

My best friends have asked me to take pics at their wedding, and your use of lighting and style of shooting is what I hope I can achieve. I doubt I will even come close, but just letting you know you inspire me!

Cassie said...

We should play. I love you.

The Gag-nears said...

Love the new blog. and love your honesty and how you can admit your weaknesses. Something that I have a very hard time doing. Because I am supposed to be strong all the time and have it together all the time. And no, you are not the only one who gets mad at your husband over little, stupid things, I do and I hate myself afterward, but I still do it. Just like epidurals were invented to take away labor pain, so was "happy pills" to even out the stress in life. Love ya friend.

Heather said...

My friend Kim is not a BIZNATCH!!! Watch it buddy, don't be talkin trash on my girl!!

I am so sorry that you have had such a hard day(s). I wish I was there to have a pitty party and eat ice cream with you!! I hope the sweet relief of Paxil kicks in for you. I may need to follow suit with that!!

New Photo site, new logo, new button. . . I may need some of your expertise and advice!! I love it all!! YOu have a great friend to create that for you!!

ls said...

okay, so i don't have time to read through all of the comments, but i hope that most of them say something about it completely NOT being a "weak" thing to do what it takes to help yourself feel good. it is such an enormous blessing to have medical science on our side with medication and technology to help us live happier, better, fuller lives. i think that recognizing that you may need some extra help to get where you want to be is a great strength, my friend. i admire it and would never call it a weakness.

Becky Rose said...

I'm 36 and been on anti-depressants since I was 19. Should of been on theme years before that, would of had a different high school life. I was on Prozac for 17 years- it only works for 10! That would explain those years of anger and bitterness in my late 20's. Never feel bad about doing something that makes you a better person- I need to take my own advice!

Barrett said...

All I have to say is my hubby wishes I could get, in pill form, whatever happens to me when I'm pregnant! Way way wayyy more balanced! Weird huh! When I have morning sickness or feel like crap, of course I'm grouchy but I love that my body seems to level out and I feel more like what "normal" people might feel like... I was in the process of weening off of everything (I was on two different meds and had already weened off of one) when we found out about Evan...Needless to say, still on! It's not like it's going to hurt him! lol I guess that's not really funny! You are pregnant by the way-you have a very good reason to be hormonal! By the way, if you need more Easter candy, I can hook you up! My kids got way way way too much so I hid it and let them have some every once in a while. Of course, I have some whenever I feel like it!

Britney said...

24 finale party? i say yes.

by the way. . . love the new button.

Leisha's the bomb-diggity.

Amber! said...

Yup, it sucks being on meds but they sure do make a difference. Darn it all!
Love the honesty!

The Lilly's said...

Thanks for introducing me to the word "biznatchiness", I plan on making it an integral part of my vocab!

-nick and whitley- said...

after i had my baby, i went through pretty bad postpartum and needed to get on something but i was so scared and so ashamed that it took me awhile to come to my senses and get the prescription. I finally did and I love it. I'm on Zoloft and it's great for me. But I too can tell when I haven't taken it for awhile, i hate that i'm "dependent" but for the most part, i'm so happy i have them. it helps me and i feel soooo much better with my new baby!

Ami and Ryan Donio said...

Kimmie I totally understand. I feel so alone going through depression. Its hard when I start feeling good on the meds and I finally think I am doing better and then have a break down day. They suck. I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who suffers constantly. Love ya cuz!!!

Erin said...

I second Carlotta. The brain is an organ, like anything else in your body. If your liver or heart was funtioning properly, you'd take meds to help, wouldn't you?
If I hadn't got on Zoloft last year...I hate to think of how bad I would have gotten, or how many heads I would have ripped off. :)

You're brave, not weak.