Friday, March 28, 2008


As I took LJ to the second of his three weekly visits...

Me: Enter agency with little LJ.

LJ's Mom: Sitting in the waiting room already.

Five minutes until scheduled appointment time. What would you do? Make small talk right? This is how that went...eventually:

LJ's Mom: These kids are crazy. I don't know how I am going to do it with another one.

Me: Ya, it is really crazy with three.

LJ's Mom: I know, we are expecting a baby, and that little guy has so much energy, I don't know what I am going to do.

Me: Oh, how exciting. (Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.) (And because I HAD to ask...) When are you due?

LJ's Mom: (Giggling.) September!

Me: How wonderful. (Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.)

Almost three years ago when we went through our failed placement. That beautiful boy was due in September. We found out in September that he wasn't going to be joining our family. That is also the year this song came out. I loved it so much then, the words just helped me get through such a terrible time. Our baby was due on September 5th of this year. I am sure that September is going to be a little hard. Can I sleep through it again this year?


Carlotta said...

can I get an AMEN! Luv you my friend!
Like the emotional "vomit" ;)

mommyoffour said...

Oh Kim, I am so sorry. Every time I read your blog, I cry. Life isn't fair. I am so proud of you for putting your best foot forward and doing what you can to help LJ. Obviously he needs you. You are always in my prayers!!

Tim and Ashlee said...

I can't hear the song here at work. I'll listen when I get home.

And of course! Keep writing all your emotions down. Way better than bottling them up. I hope you're doing okay though.

And I just can't believe that about LJ's mom. Having another baby when someone else is alrady taking care of her two year old. Sheesh!

Holly said...

I'll second the comment about crying every time I read your blog. I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone and certainly not someone I love. I know it seems so cruel that you had just announced the baby and then this happened. But going through this is so hard - its even harder without support from people who know that you're suffering. You're so strong - I would probably have died during the conversation with LJ's mom. I know Toby probably would have strangled her.

Heather said...

Kim I am so sorry!! Lots of hugs and prayers are going out to you from CA. If you ever need anything please let me know!!

Please let us read your emotional vomit!!! You need this as an outlet don't apologize for it!!

Arianne said...

i ahve to agree we love that song to in our family. Sept too is a hard month for our family for reasons you already know.

I too cry when I come to your blog. I wish there was some way I could come and take ALL your pain and heart ache away. You don't deserve to be going through this.

I also can't beleive that LJs mom is prego again as well. is she keeping her baby? It doesn't make sense when families like that have babies left and right and they can't take care of the children they already have. Then is is people like us that have to pretty much go through HELL to have children and we have to make sure our homes are "safe" for a child and we also have to have a HUGE background check JUST to have a baby!!! Somethings just don't seem fair.

I love you kim! I agree that you need to keep coming here to write down your "emotional vomit" it is good to share your feelings.

Cassie said...

Let it out sweetie, just let it all out. I love you.

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

Vomit away. We're here to hold your hair and wipe your face and neck with a cool wash cloth when it gets especially difficult.

I've been where you are. You will make it through this. It will be hard, and it's going to hurt like hell. But you're going to make it for you, for your family, for the baby that will be yours when you make it through this lifetime and go into the next.


Shannon said...

I now declare that September has been removed from the calander! I now way too many crappy things that have happened in September.

I feel for you, I do! It is such a hard time! I don't know what to say that will help other than keep on your knees and spilling out your heart! Somewhere you will find answers!

Lace said...

What an appropriate song. I lost one of my babies in September too... but I also met Tony in September... Maybe something HAPPY and GOOD will come your way this September, let's hope.

We should do something really fun this September to replace all of the September-yuck! Start thinking...

moosh in indy. said...

Cody's going to make so much fun of me.