Thursday, February 26, 2009

Meu irmao.

My big brother Marcus and me. Circa Spring 2006
(Photo by

All my life growing up I longed for a super close family. I think I would have done well to have had fifteen brothers and sisters. In some ways we were close, in others we were really distant.

For 9 years of my life I was the youngest child. For those same 9 years I had one person to which I could rely upon. That was my big brother. Isn't he so studly? Oh and he blogs which is totally radical.

When I was seven and he was ten-ish our parents split. It was prolly for the best, of course looking back, we know it was. But for me, I felt like I lost something, I lost my older brother.

Both of us had a lot more responsibility placed upon us. Up until that time our mama was home, she made us dinner, she saw us off to school. Then our mom had to start working, and it was up to Big Brother (further on in this post to be referred to as BB) to help get me to school safely, and after school he would help my mom start dinner. I have vague memories of this time in my life...but so many of them are full of memories with my BB. (Thanks for always keeping me safe yo...and for teaching me the street smarts when we lived in downtown SLC.)

Upon walking to school each day, we passed this little ghetto grocery store. Sometimes we would have quarters and such and would get some sort of treat or small token item out of the machines on our way to or from school.

When we moved out of our "home" and away from the only place we ever knew...things
like this
started happening.

And eventually as we each reached our teen years, we weren't as loving to one another as we had been when we were little. There were many a day when holes were kicked in walls or doors when our parents were gone to work. Tee hee. Sad, sad times.

I am thankful to have the relationship I have now with my BB. I love his beautiful wife, and their son is my little pride and joy. I never knew how wonderful it felt to be an aunt until he was born.

We have seen each other through so much.

Broken bones, two divorces, illness, death, and so much more.

I hope that my kids can continue to grow up and continue the close relationship that they have with each other.

I get a little misty when I think I won't have that huge family that I always dreamed of...

(It was 8 not 15...but dang, Heavenly Father most def knows that I am not capaple of mothering 8 kids)

...but I am thankful that thus far in our little lives I have been able to be home for them when they go to school and come home, and that I am helping to nurture their friendship and loving bond.

Mostly, I just hope that they don't put holes in my walls like we did to our mom. Sorry mom. :)


Crystalyn said...

i read an article once that talked about how it's really the siblings we have that make us who we are...not so much the parent raising that we get. i think there's a lot of truth to that.

i always longed for an older brother (seeing as i'm the oldest). so i was thrilled my oldest was a boy. there's just something so great about that.

and i know what you mean about shifting gears from what one always wanted. i've been going through similar feelings.

and truth be told, when i was a pre teen i wanted 12 sets of twins and 1 single child. SAY WHAT?!?! not even kidding.

Ashley said...

I have a younger brother and a younger sister (I can't say "little" because apparently I'm the shortest now) and they live on the other side of the country from me.

The cads.

We're all totally different, we have very little in common (except for our adoration and obsession with all things food, Monty Python and stupid jokes) but we raised each other, we really did. They're my world and I still worry about them and long for them when I've had a nasty day. Especially since my brother is studying to be a sous chef and needs to make me food that causes my eyes to roll into the back of my head and my thighs to get bigger.

My husband and I are about to start the nasty parts of fertility treatments ( and the more we get into this, the smaller and smaller my dream family gets. When we got married, we wanted seven. Then we couldn't get pregnant and we wanted five. We went through an adoption (I <3 my daughter) and decided on three. Now we're about to try for a biological baby and our number is "we'll be lucky if this works without breaking the bank." After a lot of prayer, we decided to invest in treatments and I'm praying we don't box ourselves in if this doesn't work.

It's hard to let go of the children you dreamed of. It kills me that Princess Jules won't have lots of brothers and sisters. But we've embraced a little saying:

"In the Rittman House, we go for quality over quantity."

Today, I'm at peace with our projected smaller family. I love it.

Ditto on the holes in the wall thing.

Lace said...

I have vague memories of your brother when we were teenagers! He has always seemed like a very nice guy.
I always loved having an older brother... which is a funny statement probably to anyone who has ever had an other brother, just because they torment you relentlessly but for some reason you never stop looking up to him! :)

Amy said...

I used to hate my older brother, now we have a really cool relationship. We finally get each other.

Amy and Josh said...

My memories of my dysfunctional "growin" up time are vuage too. I alwasy thought I was the only one:)
The strange thing is that most of my memories are of my Brothers and all the time we spent doing whatever it is we did to pass those empty moments.

That is SO neat you two have a good thing going these Days. You give me hope.

I know I am lacking in sistas, but I love my brothas. I just hope one of them gets married soon:)lol.