Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The body image versus weight game.




Left: 205 lbs Right: 173lbs (30+inches lost over my entire body!)

Last night, my friends convinced me to post this comparison photo that I posted on Facebook in November of last year. It was such a stark reality for me, to finally see the reality of all the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears I had endured in 2011 to get down to 173lbs. My body is a rock. It doesn't respond to exercise in a 'normal' fashion. It took me a full year to lose 32 pounds. I remember almost wanting to starve myself silly to get to the 30lb mark. I was so tired of hovering around 26-28lbs lost. It didn't seem like enough, it still doesn't.

However, looking at these photos helps me to see how far I have come. A few weeks back I decided to do another round of p90x. I got 3 weeks in, and after watching the scale creep up 8lbs...yes, 8lbs, I decided I needed another workout for me. While I had gained 8lbs I had lost 3" off of my total body (nothing got bigger...just small, tiny losses over my body over the 3 week period) I decided that it was time I tried to really focus on eating and on a more cardio based workout versus a full weight lifting workout like p90x is. While I love p90x, stepping on the scale and seeing that number going up to 181lbs was so depressing, so hurtful to all the hard work I was doing. I started Slim in 6 three weeks ago this coming Monday. I love it. The entire workout is just under an hour and I feel it targeting every single muscle in my body. I hurt in the morning, I don't dread doing it, I work up a sweat, and I dare say I *almost* enjoy it.

I talk to myself each day. I tell myself, "You lost three inches! That is SO amazing! Focus on that!" I haven't stepped on the scale since day one of Slim in 6. I feel happy about that. I worry I am creeping up, but my body feels better. I feel happier, I feel thinner. I have to realize that I may never hit that 'goal' weight on the scale. I may never see the number 140lbs ever, ever again. My body is just that, mine. As long as I am feeding it right, exercising, and doing all I can to reach my goals, I need to love myself for that. I need to love my image.

I am trying.

I can say this much though, I love that girl on the right a lot more than the girl on the left. I can't wait to love the girl on the right much more than the girl in the middle when and if that photo ever comes.

Here is to a new girl standing in the right in 2012.

19 comments:

nakia said...

Beautiful. It is a struggle and you know I know. I am working through every pound and inch. I will admit I do love and respect the me 25+ lbs. ago as much I love me know...Even though I still see her sometimes and have to realized that she did/does exsist. I have to...she's the one who started me on my journey to where I am today.

You are are one of the beautiful people...not because of what a scale to tape measure says, but because your heart and deeds scream it to the world.

Anonymous said...

You look AMAZING!!! Congratulations!! And now, the question of where you got your dress and shoes??? :):)

Brittany@Love Stitched said...

I didn't even know that was you in the first photo I had to do a double take! YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! I was just trying to talk myself into starting a new routine. I need to do SOMETHING I am not happy with myself or my body right now :( sigh...wish we lived closer and could be work out buddies! Lol ;) Seriously Kim, you look amazing and just look so much HAPPIER in the new photo! xoxo

JaNean said...

You know I love your right Kim!?!?
Even though I would do almost anything to be the same weight you started with, I am so proud of you for all the hard work you have done! Really it is quite an accomplishment and I hope to join you in the 100s someday. I started at 306 and am now down to 266. Many more lbs to go, but you give me the inspiration I need that it is possible and I CAN do it. Thanks for doing that for me. Being my inspiration. You rock. I hope you always remember that. And I LOVE YOU!

Becky Rose said...

the 8 lbs is muscle- it weights more than fat. You need to read Food For Life and this blog: http://joyjourneypaige.blogspot.com/
a friend of mine who went from a size 24 to a 4- yes, all through eating right and exercise! It can be done. Not that I'm an example, but maybe someday I'll loose the weight too. Good for you!

mrs. r said...

Oh Nakia. I totally felt the Spirit in your comment.

BEAUTIFUL!

SOOSOSOSOSOSOSO proud of you, Kimmie!

Emily said...

You are beautiful. And scales are stupid.

Emily said...

Kim you look so fabulous, and I am SO proud of you! You are an inspiration. And for what it's worth, I think it is smart to stay awhile from the scale for long periods of time, if not entirely. The scale is so deceptive! It rewards you when you skip meals or have a candy bar for breakfast, and then it gives you a hard time when you gain muscle. I think it's much better to go by how you feel and how your clothes fit.
You look awesome! I'm so glad to know you.

DisabilityDiva said...

I am so amazed by you!! Love you!

DisabilityDiva said...

Love you and inspired by you!

ellen said...

Good for you -- you're inspiring!

Amy said...

You Are Insipring to so many! And you Look Hot!

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lechelle said...

You are amazing.
And you are beautiful.
And you look beautiful.
<3

Joniece said...

I love you. I'm so proud of you ;)

moosh in indy. said...

I've loved every girl in every picture and love her even more when she's right next to me.

Lindsey said...

You are beautiful, left and right, but I can relate to the feelings of insecurity. I think the challenge is self acceptance, and exercising and being healthy helped me achieve that. Well not exactly achieve, but working on achieving. I'm proud of you for working so hard for you!

Ramblings of a Redhead said...

Kim! Wow! Congratulations! Your transformation is awesome! YOu are beautiful at any weight, but it's about being healthy and FEELING beautiful. Keep on keepin' on girl. Love ya!

Sarah said...

You are beautiful. I'm proud of you that you posted these. You are stunning, and have a sweet family.xoxo