Friday, August 20, 2010

Hitting Rock Bottom

***originally posted to Shredding with Simply Me lovingly referred to by our contributors as swsm***

Hi all. I think I finally hit it. Rock bottom. A few weeks ago before leaving on my trip to NYC I was up late working. Somehow I was on gchat which never happens. I am much too much too busy to chat anymore. But, it happened. An old friend was on and somehow we began discussing weight. The last time I weighed in I was at 200lbs. 200lbs. I hated myself. I detested myself. It was just something inside my brain that could not comprehend that I had let myself go to that point. This friend said some things to me that really got me thinking. I won't talk about them here, but I left the conversation feeling REALLY bad about myself. I love this friend and I know she was just being honest and trying to help me. For that I am thankful for her words and thoughts.

So, anyway, almost three weeks ago, I hit rock bottom. Each day is still a struggle and a battle with never ending depression. I have been having a really hard time with myself. I have been looking at pictures from my trip in denial that this was me. I made the decision today to weigh myself as I have been more conscious of my eating and I probably walked as many miles as the pioneers in the three weeks I was gone. I was really happy to see that I had lost 4lbs. Granted, this was the 4lbs I gained since starting this journey, but it is a start. A happy start.

I will battle those demons each and every day and do my best to keep on the right path. I don't aim to inspire anyone but myself. But here goes. I am back (again) and ready to shine.


designHER Momma said...

well, I just met you for the first time in NYC, and I thought you were beautiful from the inside out.

I was left stunned and amazed at your kindness and compassion for others. I now know why Casey speaks so highly of you, always.


mandee said...

She is right you know...that is all that matters! One day we will be perfect and won't have to battle our demons...You are a gorgeous gift to us all! ;)

Barb @ getupandplay said...

You are lovely to me. Truly. But I feel your pain about looking at photos and not recognizing yourself, because I am right there with you, sister. Way to go to recommitting to your journey.

Emily said...

I will be your biggest fan, though I already am!

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moosh in indy. said...

You have always glowed from in the inside out to me.

I hate when that glow is dimmed by your brain, but I know you're still in there.

Just like you've always known the real me is inside somewhere, even when I can't see her.

mrs. r said...

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i love you without hesitation, without reservation, unconditionally.



Heather said...

meeting you was something I really wanted to do while in NYC, well ever since I found out that you would be there. You are so sweet and lovely and your beauty radiates all around.

thank you so much for taking a few mintues to chat with me, I hope to see you again sometime!

Holly said...

It's pretty amazing if you can go on a trip and LOSE weight. I always gain it. Glad to see you're back and you're pulling up your bootstraps. You already know I think you're beautiful and I'd kill to be as cute...but feeling that way about ourselves is so hard for some reason.

Lechelle said...

You are already so beautiful.

You can do it, you have people here cheering you on!