envision:

My last post was also my 500th post.

(But if you count the two years I de-blogged, it is more like my 1000th post.
Just FYI.
Love you, thanks for coming back and loving me through all the shee.)
Please come back next week for a special celebratory giveaway!

FRIENDS!

The most amazing thing is happening this summer.
on
July 13, 2010!

My friends Natalie Norton and Jonathan Canlas are having a one day Workshop.
I am going to be there.
Are you?
PLEASE oh please come and hang with me, and meet these amazing photographer's and people!
I love the name:

envision
(ironically my 'Norton' anti virus just popped up on my screen, it is a sign you must come!)


e-mail Natalie or Jon for details:

natalienorton{at}gmail{dot} com
jonathan{dot}canlas{at}gmail{dot}com

and have a glorious day.

<3 me.

School Days: The Slob

My mind wandered a bit today as I thought about my oldest child's birthday in October.
He turns 7 this year.
His pants had a hole in the knee today.
I remember a lot of things about being 7.

I got my first 'real' bike on my birthday.
The Pink Schwinn.
The day after (I am not really sure if it was the day after for certain, but I remember it being almost the same day as my birthday) my parents told me that they were getting a divorce.
One more year and I would be baptized.
(Ironically, this is a photo of me in my baptism dress...purple. Pretty huh?)

I am not quite sure, but 7 is one of the birthdays that sticks out in my mind, where I grew from being a child, and carefree--to being not so much that way.

I want to make that different for my kids, but this post is not about that.
This post is about being 10.
Being 10 and getting called a 'slob'.
Being 10 and being called a 'slob' by your 4th grade teacher.

So, as I discussed earlier in this post, when I was 7, my parents split.
That left us with a single mother, who worked really hard for us.
We lived across the street from my Grandma and Grandpa.
There wasn't much money, and what little money we had was spent on necessities,
food, shelter, and clothing.
Many of my clothes came from Sears at the time.
My mother worked for a subsidiary of Sears, therefore she got a discount, and they had some sort of amazing children's clothing dealio (I think they still have it!).
Anyway,
In late spring that year, when the school year is getting close to being over,
(and school clothes are near being worn out...)
I went to Kmart with my grandma.
We were in the women's clothing section when I saw THE t-shirt.
It was pink.
It had a kitty on it.
I wanted it SO much!
It was a little big for me (of course) but they style back then was to wear the big tee and tie a knot in the bottom and wear leggings.
She bought it for me.
I was THRILLED.

I couldn't wait to wear it to school the next day.
I put it on, slipped on my black leggings (which had holes in the knees).
Tied the knot, and was off for the day.

I cannot remember how the conversation turned,
or what would possess my (male) teacher to say what he did to me that day.
(In an inner-city school none the less.)
But he did.
"You are such a slob."
Tears.
All because of my big pink kitty shirt and my holey black leggings.
I cried.
Hard.
I was embarrassed.
I know the other kids heard.
What an ass this guy was.
I knew it then, I know it now.

What I learned?
I will protect my kids to the moon and back.
Mean words hurt a lot from kids.
Those same mean words hurt a lot more coming from an adult.
If that man EVER crosses my path, I may punch him.
And that even through all of this, even though the memory still hurts, when I looked back at my 7 year old today, and he had a hole in the left knee of his pants, I let him go to school just like that, and I smiled.

"Housekeeping!"

(shot on Ilford Delta 3200...(that is film).)

Remember how I mentioned we were downsizing?

Well, we are selling our house.
Why?
I hate this question, I want to SCREAM:
'none of your business'
I answer the same questions a million times,
Usually,
"the economy sucks."
And whatnot.
Mostly?
My kids are growing, and the economy sucks and we are blessed to be able to go back to our other house to live, and there is a yard there, I will get them a playset, I don't want my husband to die, it is a CHOICE not a have to kind of a thing (well, for now),
etc...etc...

But this post isn't about that.
This post is about:

House Keeping.

When you sell a house you have to keep it really clean.

Firstly, so you can take photos to put said house online.
Secondly, so that when people come to see your house, they will not notice what slobs you are, but rather, what a beautiful house you have...and then they will dream about it until they buy it.
(btw my house is BEAUTIFUL)

So, this past week we have been cleaning like MAD.
Spring Cleaning on Steroids.
That kind of cleaning.

So, Hubbs and I have a conversation yesterday in the car.

Me: "So, sometimes our renters aren't so clean huh?"
Hubbs: "Nope."
Me: "Are we 'clean'?"
Hubbs: "Nope"

This is when I hit him in the arm and gave him a huge bruise.

Truthfully?
Our house isn't always the cleanest.
I couldn't get this out of my head as I scrubbed the bathrooms today.
I just can't stand having the way my house looks rule my life!
I have to now that our house is on the market,
but geez.
It just is not on my priority list...it isn't terrible, but it could be better.

Why is it so hard to do keep up?
Well, I will tell you.
I am doing it all by myself.
While I love my husband so very much, and he does help me on that rare, (rare) occasion,
and his only job is to dump the garbages
(that may or may not get done weekly),
(we will just forget that his job was also to vacuum once a week, at least,
but that didn't happen either, even after and I quote:
'if you write it down for me to do I will do it.')
Uhm, ya...sure.
I am on my own for the rest of it.

Dishes
Laundry
Sweep/Mop (no easy feat with our entire upstairs being hardwood)
Vacuuming
Bathrooms
Dust
Ironing
Yard work
Etc...etc

Well folks, guess what I just realized after
9.5 years of marriage?

I have been wracking my brain for years as to why my husband cannot for the
life of him consistently help around the house.
The answer came a few weeks ago.
Ready?
Get this:

He grew up in a house that always had a maid.
(Many South American families do.)

He didn't have to do any of these things, they were done for him already.

Oi.
9.5 years of disappointment all to have it explained to me in one shining moment.

Well Hubbs,
get ready, because in this market...we could be looking at
months
of
'Nazi Kim'
and it is not going to be pretty.

So, in my defense, I have to say, if I was a maid, and only a maid, then the house would be perfect. But since I am the mom, wife, chauffeur, CEO, CFO, part time working photographer, church worker extraordinaire,
etc...etc...
Try as I might, I am not perfect in all things, but I can be perfect in some things.
Housekeeping?
Not one of those things.
So in closing may I just say:

If I don't get the help I need, I may just hire MYSELF a maid.

(This post is written with love and jest. Hubbs has heard this a million times and knows I love him to the moon and into eternity...
I would however, possibly be persuaded to love him more if he folded some laundry now and again.)

Becoming.

august 2007

I just got done watching this amazing video.
It is not just for photographers.
I feel it could be directed to any of us.

Watch it.

I have been going through my personal photos this past week, as a part of my new goals for myself. So much happens in the quiet moments of the early morning.
Seeing my old self
is one of those things.

It is funny to look back and to think,
'I used to be such a better photographer than I am now.'

You are probably wondering what the?
Doesn't time make you a better photographer?
No.
You do.
You control how much effort you put into it, and I used to put SO much into it.

I want to become again.
I want to push...stretch, see again.

I can look back, and long to be that person again.
Excited, ready, enabled.
In all things.

Not just photography.
But in her family.
I have so many more valuable lessons to bring to the table.

I am going to bring those out through my lens.
Just watch.

Come along for the ride.

Life. is. good.

Shot on Polaroid 600se with Fuji FP-100c Instant Film

I heart my life.

Heart it.

Sometimes life is crazy.
Yesiree.
No doubts about it.
THAT I would never sugar coat.
I will tell you that after 7 p.m. every night I turn into a screaming banshee.
I cannot wait for bedtime.
Some days, it doesn't come soon enough.
I long for five minutes to myself.

Out of 24 hours in a day, that is it though.

The rest of the time, is bliss and every answer to my prayer.
These little people rawk my world.

They are so smart, kind, sweet, joyful, lively, caring,
intelligent, insightful, innocent, and
perfect.

They are my reason for living and breathing.
I would give up everything for them.
I would die for them.

Such is the power of love.

They were worth every second of wait.
Every minute of hope.
Every hour of tears.
All of the ache.
All. of. it.

I squished them extra long and hard today.
Tickled a little more.
Looked into their eyes a little longer.

Just because.
Just.
Because.

Life. is. good.

Healthy, wealthy, and wise.

I did not share my weigh in on Monday.

Nothing had changed.

I have not been doing so well.



I am about to change all of that.

Early to bed, early to rise...



...this is my goal.



Tomorrow I am starting a new routine.

I did okay for about two weeks before SO much was slung at me that I all but failed completely...

my new plan for ME?

making time for ME...

5 at 5

6 at 6

Waking up at

5 a.m.

6 a.m.

every day.

(Except Sunday and the day after 'etsy' night.)

Accomplishing these five goals every morning:

• 1- Put in a load of laundry...the bane, bane, bane of my existence.
• 
  
  
• 2- Workout for at least 45 minutes
• 
  
  
• 3- Shower before my kids even THINK about waking up. This includes putting on REAL clothes...because I think part of my problem is that I sometimes, okay a lot of times stay in my jammies/workout clothes ALL day.
• 
  
  
• 4- Choose and edit 5 images for my website until I have my galleries full. (Galleries are 20 images each.)
• 
  
  
• 5- 15 minutes of editing/organizing my personal photographs on my computer.
• 
  
  
• 6- Load the Dishwasher
  
  

I know that if I can start the day out right, everything in my life will go better.

See you at

5

6.

Have you done any good in the world today?

...if not, here is your chance!

Photos used by permission.
All photographed by our bestie Jon.

Isn't this photo of myself gorgeous? Amazing? Stunning? Breathtaking?
Can you believe that is ME?!
I am anything but narcissistic, but that could change now.
I need to have it printed in some huge form and hang it in my
bathroom to remind me every day how lucky I am.

When my friend Jon posted to his blog about helping his friend Sarah, I knew I had to jump on it in a big way.

You may have noticed this link in my sidebar:

<-----------------------

That will take you to the blog set up for Sarah and her family.

Upon learning about Sarah, could not help but stop and think about what Sarah
was going through, I tried to put myself in her shoes and tears formed in my eyes,
trickled over, and flooded.

I wanted to do SOMEthing so badly for her.

I was touched and thankful to get something so beautiful in return.
I just want to thank Jon for doing this for Sarah, and allowing us to serve her too.

I do not know her, but service is a powerful thing.
It heals.

Spring and Summer are wonderful times of year to get your family photos done.
Don't wait until fall or winter this year when your mind starts going to Christmas cards and such.

Send Jon and e-mail now and do something wonderful for Sarah and her family!

jonathan{at}jonathancanlasphotography{dot}com

While you are at it, take a moment to go oogle over our beautiful photographs on his blog.
My mom always told me to set a good example...so I am.



I cannot look at these photos without crying.
Honestly, tears form every time.

Priceless treasures, just like my family.
My ever wanted, hoped for, miracle family.

Oh how I love my handsome best friend.
Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when he led me to him.


xoxo

What color?

...lately?
Sometimes blue.

I hate to say that.
It has been SO nice being able to FEEL again, to be ME again,
but the lows are harder to deal with most definitely.

Still, I am working through those lows and I have the realization and understanding that the lows are a part of life, and I can choose how I feel about them.
Being able to choose for myself hasn't been a part of my life in a while.
This week has thrown me for loops.
I am having to constantly recheck myself and reevaluate things in order to get myself back where I need to be emotionally.
Boy, am I glad this week is over today. I am calling it officially over today, tomorrow will be BLISS.

We as a family are making some big changes in our lives.
Not easy changes, but changes for the better nonetheless.
Necessary changes.
It isn't the time to share all of these changes completely,
suffice it to say,
we are downsizing almost everything in our lives.
Spinning a 180.

While I know it is right,
it is hard,
and often brings me to tears.
(usually when I am alone and have too much time by myself to think.)

BUT
We are so happy.
I have never been happier in my entire life.
I can honestly say that.
And these changes?
Will only make us happier.

For that I am thankful...and for that I say, 'bring on the changes!'
Nothing matters than what is right in front of me.
My three minis.
My husband.
Me.

Our life.

Happy to be living it.

Today,
well today was just hard and I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Enjoy our colored eggs, what color is your favorite?















Apparently Millz's favorite color is blue.
(and SHE can have it.)

**Post edit: Yes I do realize these are Easter pictures. Tee hee. Also, they were all shot on 400h Fuji film. I heart film.**

If I can be a tenth of what she is...

...her incredible beauty, inside, and indeed out...inspire me.
Lift me.
Help me to reach and stretch to be better.

I hope she knows just how highly I think of her.
How much she has changed me.
Thank you Nie.
Thank you.

Grab a tissue.
You will most certainly need it.

Honesty.

Days like today I wish I hadn't been quite so honest.

(I am laughing as I write that.)

	First Week:	Last Week:	This Week:
Weight:	195	193.4	193.8
Neck:	14.5”	14”	14”
Bust:	40.5”	39.75”	39.75”
Bicep:	14”	13.75”	13.75”
Waist:	41.5”	36”	36”
Buttocks:	47”	46”	46”
Thigh:	27”	26.75”	26.75”
Calf:	15.25	15”	15”

I was REALLY hoping to come here with better numbers.

They just aren't there.

I have a million excuses. Stress, my period, not my normal routine, etc...etc.



Excuses are not going to help me fight this.



I feel renewed.

This week will not be much different than last week.

What will be different is that I am going to fight harder.



Sometimes honesty sucks.

Today is one of those sometimes.



:(



Please no pats on the back today.

What I need is a good can of whoop-A.