Thursday, December 17, 2009

"The 'breastfast' of champions."

A story of weaning.

5 months

That is it. It is all I can do. It is the farthest I have gotten with any of my babies.

I feel kind of 'meh'.

I want my body back.

Selfish I know.

Part of it probably has something to do with the fact I am flying with my sweet baby in about two weeks, and I really, REALLY don't feel comfortable nursing while I sit in the middle of two complete strangers.

Really? I know teeth are coming and I am afraid.

Also? I am really fat.


Like, I have never been so big in my ENTIRE life.

This makes me sad.

My body holds onto every gram of fat I put into it, like a squirrel gathering nuts for winter, my body thinks that it must not let any of it go for fear it can't produce enough milk for this little one.

Do I feel guilty? A tiny bit.

JUST a tiny bit.

(I feel more guilt about the day we pierced her that is a tragedy.)

I do know however that I am going to be a MUCH better mom when I am not so stressed about whether or not she is getting enough, or that I have to be home within three hours from the exact time I leave the house. A little excited that maybe I can sleep through the night one of these weekends when my husband doesn't work, as this sweet face STILL wakes up every three hours at night. I am a zombie.

Love this sweet tiny thing. She brings me so much joy. Thank you Millz for not making me feel guilty when I gave you that bottle of formula for the first time in your little life today.

Thank you for drinking it right down and
through it all.

Just what I needed, you are definitely a champ.


Cathy said...

Love that beautiful smile! So precious. Makes me wish I could have another one.

blair said...

I nursed Addy a week. I nursed brooks 16 months to "overcompensate" for the fact that I didn't nurse Addy. If i ever had a baby again - I would not nurse. It's not for everyone. The fact that you did 5 months is incredible. Yet I realized that I am just as close with each of my kids, nursing didn't do anything but make one more clingy. As well, it made me fatter (I guess we are alike that way), grumpy from being tired, and exhausted from constantly nursing & pumping while at work. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I say be the mom you can be - and it's better without nursing- then no guilt felt. Word. Yay. The end. :) She's Beautiful.

Amy said...

Mothers are so hard on themselves! You go get your body back missy! If you feel like you're gunna be a better mom if you're not nursing anymore, then stop nursing! She has a mommy and daddy who love her so much...she is pretty lucky!

You're awesome are an incredible mom whether you nurse for a week, a month, a year...whatever!

Jon said...

I agree with your friend that we are too hard on ourselves as moms. Millz has defiantly gotten all the benefits of nursing.I hope it will all go smoothly.

rachael. said...

you know nursing is great. it is. but teeth? uh-uh. when that sweet little one is smiling away at you, so sweet, and then clamps down on a part of you that should only be gently used...there is no pain like it, i don't care what anyone says. the longest i got with any of my babies is nine months. it got less and less with each one. i get sick of it. it's a hassle. and yes, being fatter than ever sucks big time. these babies...these sweet, lovable, so cute and cuddly we wouldn't trade for anything babies...they ruin your body. period. its all about balance. what's best for them AND for you? it's different for every mommy. you can't feel guilty for doing what's best for YOUR family. own it sister. own it.

Katie said...

I love that I have no excuse but to bottle feed. It is so much more convenient and it's nice to know exactly how much he's eating. Plus the best bonus? He's already sleeping 9-10 hours at night which makes me a MUCH better mommy. Don't feel any guilt--Millz is obviously happy and healthy and will be better off for having a mom who takes care of herself and listens to her instincts!

BTW, we'll be there the 23rd-2nd. When can we meet up for lunch or some playing?

mrs. r said...

boobfeeding is overrated. i wasn't and i am one of the greatest people you know, right??? LOL!

in the words of my mother, "tell her to get a really tight jogging bra and a bag of candy and she will feel better in no time."

love you and love your soon to come flight!

Holly said...

Yes we are always too hard on ourselves. I only made it 6 months and needed to get my body back as well. Not so much the weight thing - just that sense of not being able to get too far away in case I start leaking. It was terrible in wedding season. Nursing is great - but I think people need to relax about it and definitely not start preaching to other moms about what they *should* do.