My heart is full at the moment. It is almost 2 a.m. and I can't get your sweet heart off of my mind. Tonight you had your Christmas dance recital. You got to wear your favorite pajamas that I bought just for this special event. You have had them for weeks and weeks and have worn them so much they looked like they were a year old. We fixed your hair in pigtails, and tied white ribbons around them. Your hair is getting so long, you look like a different girl. You danced so wonderfully. The sweet smile you have upon seeing your friends and your dance teacher Melissa absolutely melts me. So thankful for you.
Tonight was a big lesson in learning to give. There was a gift exchange with all of the tiny dancers. There was a $5 limit on the gift and we gave a very sweet box of Littlest Pet Shop toys that I got for a steal from Walgreen's this summer. Remember how we were saving it for Dilly? Well, I remembered that we had it and thought how fun it would be to use it for the gift exchange. You were so excited when I pulled it out. I could tell how badly you wished it was for you. You were still so very sweet as we wrapped it up to give away to someone else. I guess I should have explained that part a little better. It can be a hard concept for a little four year old to comprehend. When it was your turn to choose a gift toward the end of the group, there were only a few gifts left, and there was your beautiful bag, still waiting to be chosen, no one realizing what a wonderful gift that was inside. So you walked up and snatched it. I felt conflicted, I wanted you to learn to share and give, and so I called across the room, "Hey Memms! Why don't you choose another gift so that someone can have your gift." Immediate alligator tears ensued. I am not sure if it was because of the 50 people watching, or if I had just shattered your tiny heart, or the fact that after some love and coaxing from your teacher she helped you choose another gift which happened to be a pair of beautiful red polka dot socks instead of a toy, doll, or game like the other girls got. Your heart was shattered, and at that instant, so was mine.
Even as I write this tears are streaming down my cheeks. Oh how I love you, and wanted to run away with you at that moment. It seems so silly, but watching you hurt over something so small made me ache. I felt four again. I felt your pain. There was a boy in the audience, maybe 11 or 12 who was watching you. I think your broken heart touched his. He was so concerned about you, he wanted to make you happy too! He gave you a tiny, shiny pink rock. (He must have had it in his pocket.) You loved it. As we drove home we talked about giving, and receiving and being thankful for everything that we have. We talked about the beautiful red socks with the cute green bow, perfect for Christmas. We cherished the gold and blue box the socks came in, and the tissue paper discretely hiding your new treasured rock. We said silent prayers of thanks for a teaching moment, and for a tender hearted girl.
Thank you for teaching me about love today Memms. You are laying right next to me in my bed as I type this. I wish I could stop time, if even for a day, and freeze who you are at this moment. My first girl, my serious, deep, thoughtful girl. Thank you for sacrificing today to learn a deeper lesson in life. Momma loves you, with all of her soul.
Much love always,