Monday, November 29, 2010

Funk.

I hate to say that I am in a funk.
Truth is?

I am kind of in a funk.

I can tell you exactly what started it even.
The problem?

I don't really want to share why.

It is silly, it is not important to anyone but me. Still, it started this enormous wave of self-doubt, it brought back great and painful feelings of loss, and really, I would just like to forget it, jump over it, and continue onward. I am not to that point, I don't have the ability as much as I long for it. So, I am treading through, praying, hitting my knees, longing for the answer that won't come and I am heartbroken because of it all.

Sigh.
Deep. Breath.
Sigh.

Other than that? My kids are growing so fast. Can you believe how ginormous she is?




I wish she didn't feel the need to act like she is 20. She is getting so big, and so smart, and SO funny. She brings us all so much joy. I am still so amazed that her brother and sister can have so much love for her. I am so pleased with them. There has not been one single moment of jealousy toward her. She came into their lives and she was loved from the very moment. I am not sure how many parents can say the same, but the dynamic between them all has tears spilling over.

My life is good. Truly, truly, truly good. Funk and all. It is good, and I realize that, and that is what is going to get me to the other side.


How do you de-funkify?

13 comments:

Katie said...

After we lost our baby I asked my SIL (who has lost 5 precious ones) how I would survive the pain and the loss. She told me, "You gotta go through it to get through it." So simple but so true, and I think it applies to every challenge you might face in life.

So, when I find myself in one of those oh-so-obnoxious funks, I try to let myself feel whatever I'm feeling and then get over it, because that really is the only way TO get over it. Otherwise I end up fighting, fighting, fighting it only to feel it in the end anyway plus I'd have wasted a lot of time, energy and guilt along the way.

Oh and Cherry Coke and M&M's don't hurt either :)

Love you, beautiful. Stay strong and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, it's okay!

Emily said...

I am all for letting yourself be in a funk for at least a little while. It can be therapeutic to feel something real rather than trying to not feel at all. Wait, does that make sense? I am totally with Katie on this one, especially the Coke and M&M's thing (peanut butter of course).

Your little girl is getting SO big! And acting 20 is totally normal at her age. ;)

Camille said...

Kimmie, just remember how beautiful, talented, funny, playful, and gorgeous you are and eventually that funk will disappear. But it's ok to feel that way every once in a while. At least it happens to me as well!! (sugar always does the trick) :) hang in there!

JaNean said...

Its funny. I have been in a few hard places in my life, but honestly when they are over I don't really remember how I got through them. I'm not sure if that is weird or comforting. The bottom line is that you will get through it, life is good, and most things don't matter in 100 years when we will be gone anyway. Don't let the little things bug and you will be fine.

Much love Kimmie. I think you should let me cook for you and your family tonight :)

Holly said...

Defunkifying for me is a combination of time passing, shaking up the routine, and - I know this is my anal retentive personality - but cleaning/organizing the physical objects around me seems to bring back some kind of order to my head.
Some sunshine never hurts, some personal pampering, getting out socially with people you genuinely like (not people you're forced to tolerate) and doing something nice for someone else. Cliche? Sure. But it's cliche because it works.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Wow, Katie's comment floored me. Heartbreaking.


I was in a funk a few days ago and I found I felt better once I just gave into it. I had one day where I wallowed- I just gave myself permission to feel bad. I cried, I watched TV, I stewed, I sobbed to my husband, and then I went to bed. The next morning, I felt absolutely purged of it. The same little worries and hurts were still there, but I felt like I didn't have to dwell on them anymore. Instead of telling myself to be grateful, I actually felt it.

Hang in there.

Sharon Johnson said...

In the same boat. I have no idea

Kjrsten said...

Great shot kim! She is precious!
I am in a funk myself so I have no good advise for you... I am still in my sweatpants at this very moment. (and you know I am anti sweatpants, so it must be funky around here) let me know what you find out about kicking the downers in the butt...

mrs. r said...

i miss you.

Angela said...

serving helps. promise. really really does. even really small service like taking something happy to someone else like warm bread. Or dropping a random thank you note to someone in your ward who wouldn't expect it. Good luck!

Scott and Lindsey said...

Kim, I'm so sorry. I know what it is like to have self-doubts. I'm constantly doubting myself and my confidence can be pretty fragile at times. I'm so sorry you are feeling in a funk. It's not a comfortable place to be. Maybe take some time for yourself. I know you are a mommy and super busy, so it is hard to always find the time. Do something just for you, whatever it may be. You deserve all the best. You are one of the kindest, most gracious and giving persons I have ever met. I love you!

-Lindsey

Heather said...

((hugs)) and prayers that you get through the funk soon.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

I wish I knew how to get out of my funk. It think I have been mostly in one for about 18 months...which is just pathetic to admit.

One day I will figure things out, and be completely myself again.