I think I lost it.
Somewhere between the painful year 2008 until now.
2 years is a really long time to not 'feel' anything.
I wish sometimes I could go back and not have to live through the pain. I wish I could have enjoyed a few things better, like my workshops, Hawaii, my family. March of 2008 was such a turning point for me. It is so emotional just talking about it. I met with a new friend today and all but bawled talking about how much has changed since then.
I wish I had known how to deal with my grief in a more positive way.
I got caught up in myself. SO selfish. I am not a selfish person. I hate selfish people. I have hated myself.
As much as my heart breaks for this family...she has helped me through SO much, more than I could ever tell her, and how thankful I am to know her IRL.
The past four months have been a whirlwind.
I made the choice on December 30 that I would make the transition back to shooting film. I have made drastic changes in my life, saved a lot of money...and still in the process of doing so. By making these decisions I am finding my heart again.
My inner peace, my solace, myself.
I plan on sharing some stuff with you guys in the near future, stuff that I need to share and to account for so that I can continue to find my heart, my changed heart and try to mold it back into what it once was. Part of it has to deal with my weight. Another part my weaning off of my depression meds. 2 months strong and I am FEELING again. WOW. I will share the good and the bad with that.
I feel like I have been living under a sheet for two years. I am coming out of a fog, and I want to share my journey with you as I depart from the dense into the light.
Until next time...