Monday, March 15, 2010

"Weight a second, I can do this!"

This is a post about confessions.
It is not a post I want to be writing, but have had it going through my mind for the past few weeks, and it is one that I must write.

Remember how I have been training for the half marathon?

I haven't been blogging about it much, because, well I am a schlub.
While I have been training and running in the bitter cold, and battling illness,
and a few weeks being unable to train because of it, I have pushed through it.
The problem I am having right now though?
Like Tendonitis on steroids.

It is bad.

I described it earlier like walking on razor blades.

When I run for more than three miles I literally cannot walk for DAYS.
I feel like I am 90 years old and I can honestly not walk faster than
the older ladies at the gym on these days.
My workouts have been really rough on me, I walk a lot when I should be running.

Because of these things, and my husband noticing we discussed the
possibility of me not running the half.

When I put it out to the world, I got a handful of e-mails telling me I must do it!
That I am inspiring (thank you) and that regardless of my decision,
I would be supported either way.

Well, I have decided that I will do it.
I cry when I think about all the miles I have put in already, I just can't NOT do it.
I just won't run or train the three days this week...and hope and pray for the best on Saturday. Oh please...pray for my feet.

Part of me knows the reasons why I have had SUCH a hard time.
Here is a picture of me shortly before the last time I ran a half:

Yes, that is my bestie Casey...if you haven't met her yet you MUST at the CBC in May.

I am too prideful to show you a picture of what I look like now.

I love this picture.
That girl on the left was in a MUCH better place.
Well, sort of.
Mentally she was dealing with a lot of shee, but physically she was
lighter than I am right now.
did I just admit that out loud?

I know that is why I am struggling.
My body hates me.
I am really struggling to shed any weight since having Millz, and that is not helping me mentally with this race...let alone physically.

If any of you are runners, then you know that the mental part of running is JUST as,
if not more important than the physical aspect.

The past two years were really hard. Things are SO good now.
I hope that sharing this small part of me will give me the courage to continue on my road to losing this extra weight I have hanging on me, so the next time I run a half...
I will be much better prepared for it.

Love you guys, thank you for continually inspiring me!
I CAN do hard things, and I will!
(totally going to buy myself that necklace when I cross the finish line.)

After the race, let's talk about what will happen when I shed 40 of those
30 extra pounds shall we?

See you at the finish line.


twophotography said...

Kim you are so inspiring! That is great that you are still going to run the half. I am training right now for a half marathon and it totally helps having others that are training to be inspired by knowing that I can do it. This will be my first and knowing that you have already done one and are now on your second, there's something to be said for that. You have three children, work full time and still manage to train. I live by myself and just work full time... there's no reason why I shouldn't get off the couch and go running. Thank you for your words, your inspiration and the positive attitude that you have. We out here in blogland are all here support you. :)


Jessica Kettle said...

let me just say this. tendonitis is the biggest freaking load of crap ever!! it's like doctor chinese for "something is definitely wrong with you, but i can't or don't care to figure out what it really is. so you keep suffering, i will prescribe you big ibuprofen pills."

eww. i hate doctors. hope you feel better! =)

Natalie said...

Getting older & putting on weight SUCKS!!! You can do it. Don't judge yourself. Your body is a gift, and how awesome that it can store fat -- too bad we don't need that stored fat. You are beautiful. The weight can - AND WILL - come off. Don't get too down on yourself. You can do this!

Natalie said...

PS - My birthday is tomorrow and I was thinking just this morning, that not only last year was I a year younger (duh) but 20 pounds lighter. Dumb.

Emily said...

Best of luck, Kim! You're in my prayers. Take care of yourself, okay? I once ran a race I shouldn't have and I don't know that I'll ever be able to run more than 5 miles again. But I know it's hard to throw out all that training and not do the actual race. Let yourself walk as much as you need to! 13.1 miles is 13.1 miles no matter what speed you take it! I think you are strong and inspiring no matter what you do.

Shane, Meg, CJ, RJ, and AL said... know any massage therapists that could help your legs loosen up before Saturday??? It could help! If you are in need after the race, I'll be there. :)

Heather said...

Ok, I am no dr. but it sounds as though your tendonitis may be plantarfascitis if it's in your feet. In my profession I have seen major success in decreasing and sometimes even eliminating foot pain by inserting "orthotics" Yes, you can go the custom route which is really the best, yet most expensive, OR you can go the "off the shelf" route. In that case I would recommend something called "superfeet" They are GREAT. Don't just jump into wearing them though, work into it. AND LOTS & LOTS & LOTS of stretching of the calvsies. YOU can DO IT! Let me know if you need anything else.

ec said...

go kim! you can do hard things. we're all rooting for you ...

Julie Carlile said...

I hope all goes well. I feel ya on the pain. I can't run at all anymore because of how bad it has messed up my knees. I just hope I don't have to have surgery on them. They are feeling better since taking some glucosamine. I'm sure you look beautiful, it's hard to lose that baby weight. Keep on going and you'll get there. I found Yoga helped me a lot. I think my body was too stressed out to lose the weight.

Cassie said...

Love the determination Miss Kim, love it. Take it easy and don't hurt yourself more than you absolutely have to. Love you!

Holly said...

Gaining weight is an awful feeling and I realize no amount of people telling you that you look gorgeous will make you believe it. My poor husband has tried for 8 years and I still don't believe him. That said, I think pain in running is a puzzle you have to solve one piece at a time. You can pay for one personal training session and any trainer worth his or her salt can watch you and tell you if you have a posture problem. A lot of foot/knee/hip pain in running is caused by how you're moving your body and they can recommend exercises to strengthen the weak areas that are making you overcompensate. Shoes and/or orthotics are another piece. If you go to Salt Lake Running they can watch your feet when you run and tell you if you're turning your feet in or out - which can cause big time pain. Finally - never underestimate the power of rest, ibuprofen and a very good massage.

Holly said...

I should add that I had terrible shin splints when we started running. Awful, nasty pain. I tried all kinds of stretches, ibuprofen, you name it and nothing helped. Then I had to take a few weeks off running for pregnancy/miscarriage junk and viola - shin pain cured for six months now.

Olivia Singleton said...

I think my first post is a little misleading, and I wanted to clarify before you take it the wrong way. That first post really is intended to just show that it's important to get up and be active while also eating things that are good for our bodies. And I must say, you are doing such a fantastic job at that. You really should be so proud of yourself. My next post, which is the most important post, is about body image and how there are so many unrealistic expectations put on women. We constantly feel pressure to get down to a certain number on the scale or fit into a certain size of pants, and it consumes us. So I've come to the conclusion that if you're physically active and eating healthy, you're doing great things for your body and that's all that matters. You're beautiful in every way, and I need you to know that!

Lace said...

I saw you just yesterday and you looked beautiful! You're definately your own worse critic! Good luck with your half marathon!!! :)

Jenny and Brett said...

Kim! I'm so sorry you are in so much pain!! Sorry, I know nothing about Tendonitis. Whenever I have pain I just buy new shoes! I don't know if that'll even help in your situation though!! I'll be there cheering you on! We'll all encourage each other!

mrs. r said...

agreed--love my orthodics. (need new ones)

the race will be wonderfully painful! i will be cheering for you.


JaNean said...

You can do hard things! I feel your pain. I wish that I could run. I tried it after my mission and LOVED it, but the cyst in my hip has prevented me from doing it since. Terrible pain for days after. You are a trooper for doing it anyway. Good luck.



moosh in indy. said...

Of course you can do hard things.
Want me to make you a list? I WILL.

I found 15 pounds since that picture.

None of us are immune, come, eat vegetables and other foods I can't pronounce with me and we shall commiserate together.

I love you no matter what, I know you don't feel amazing. But in the eyes of me and the dozen other ladies up there? You ARE amazing.

Always will be.

Fostervision said...

Thank you for inspiring me to get up off my butt. You will do great...I'm rooting for you!

Amy and Josh said...

Sorry to hear about he foot pain . . . bodies are lovely things and age doesn't help:)

Good luck on your Half-I'll be thinking of you on Saturday!!

Personally I miss my 21 year old stomach, but what can I do?

Heather said...

I will be praying for you and your feet.