Thursday, October 1, 2009


In a funk the last day or two.

Not sure why, but then again, I do know.

Having a cystic tumor removed at the end of the month.

Not sure what all will come out with it.

I have my pre-op appointment the day before the surgery.

I say surgery because of the nature of this "thing" I have to have it incised...meaning it can't be done via laparoscopy.
That I have had before. This? NO. CLUE.

Nervous about the recovery. Nervous because my husband has no time off. Nervous because it puts me out of work for the entire holiday season.

This kind of put me into a tailspin funk.
Last time I 'went under' I was so hyped up on emotion and basically I was in shock I didn't have time to THINK about it.

This time?
I have three weeks to stress and stew over it.
I knew it was coming, that isn't a surprise.
I have known for 30 some odd weeks it was coming.

I just don't want to deal with it.

Good news?
These types of tumors are usually benign.
Not worried about cancer or anything at this point.

Just the fact I am having to THINK about my womanly self in any fashion just has me reeling.

It has consumed most of my adult life.
The pain has slowly returned and leaves me angry and upset.
Part of me wishes and hopes and begs my doc to rip it all out.
The other part of me knows it is probably not for the best.
It doesn't mean I won't try to convince him otherwise.


Thank goodness for Prozac, I don't know where I would be today without it.

Thankful the parts worked well three times.
Thank you parts.
(I am aware that some people's parts don't work at all. For this reason I am thankful. But...)
...Parts...I still hate you.


Kristina P. said...

First, you look beautiful!

And second, I am thinking and praying for you!

Heather said...

love the photo as well. And many prayers and hugs

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

What do you need?! Let me know. I am here. I am in a funk, I understand. =)

Please let me help if I can!

Dan and Wendy Babcock said...

Our prayers are with you. Please let me know how I can help.

Miss Myra said...

home girl i feel ya. i used to think that you cant have a problem that you dont have. i have learned this is not true. but i get the dreading... we got this. and remember i love those littles and have NOTHING to do 98% of the time. for reals

Holly said...

You do look beautiful - great pic. I am sorry you're in a funk and sorry you have to have surgery. This isn't fun....but as far as incisions go - a C section is a pretty big incision and most of us are walking around afterwards within 24 don't stress yourself sick. Just tell me when you want me to come watch the sweet kiddos so you can rest.

Krystal said...

wow, I love the picture of you... looking good! And good luck wit the surgery... I'll be praying for ya! I'm sure it will all be okay, but still that's so unsettling in the mean time.

Camille said...

You are absolutely beautiful! But I hear ya, those funks come and go - I hope all goes well for you!

Josh and Anna said...

Hang in there Kim, you'll be in our prayers.

Emily said...

You are in my prayers, Kim! I hope all goes well. Also, you look beautiful! I am so impressed you have two little ones and a newborn and you are still looking gorgeous. It's a rare occurrence if I get my makeup on, let alone do my hair! Lookin' good. :)

mandee said...

ok, listen up girly, I CAN help you! I will chat withyou later but you better come up with a good excuse to refuse my help this time!! Love ya!

looking gorgeous as always!

Heather said...

Oh WOW!! I am so sorry. I really really hope that you get through this ok. I am so sorry girl! I thought things were suppose to be easier now. This sucks! I am in a funk for you! Let me know if I can do anything!

P.S. Love the picture! You are a hot mamma! Is that little Millz and her Blessing dress? So beeeeaaautiful!

Amber Ro said...

Hey! you looking absolutely stunning in that picture. How do you do that in such little time after giving birth?
I'd love to help you watch your little ones while you get some rest. I know you don't know me well, but Holly can be my reference :)
Please, really...let me know how I can help out. I'd love to watch your kiddos or drive them to places they need to be.

Good luck!

Michelle said...

What the heck, Kim??? I'll be praying for you! What can I do for you? It'll all work out, I promise! You've been through so much that I know you can do this one too. You are amazing! Love ya!

moosh in indy. said...

I'll be in town.
I'll help you.

ls said...

love the "parts... i still hate you" part. sending happy, positive thoughts your way with the upcoming procedure... anything of that nature would send me right into a funk, too.

LoveYaMissYa said...

Wish I were close enough to help but I will be thinking of you!

PS we'll be out again in Dec. We've got to get together, I need to see little miltz in person! She's adorable!