Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Photograph Courtesy of Reed Photographic

It has been a while since I have done this, posted thoughts, deep things of my heart. I feel so very blessed for the life I have lately. Things have been stressful indeed, it always seems like one thing after another, after another. I feel like I have let some people down, but then again, feel like I have done some wonderful things...hoping all of that evens out in the wash.

The last week or so I have taken some major inventory of my life. What is important? What isn't? What can I do more to be on the track I want. I thought back to a time in my life when I had it "all together" back then I was waking up early, going to bed at a decent hour, attending the gym, eating right, taking the best care of Jay (he was a year old) and I was organized, studying the scriptures, and fulfilling my duties as a primary teacher. Granted, I wasn't in school and I wasn't running a business and keeping my husband going with his business, but all of that aside, I determined last week that I need to do more, be more, and feel the happiness I felt back then when I had it all together.

Just to share with you a bit of what I have been doing, hopefully it may inspire someone else, and may continue to give me the strength I need to move forward in my quest. About a month ago I gave up soda. Seriously that was a struggle for me! I loved me a Dr. Pepper. I get headaches a lot and would always use soda as a crutch. I still get headaches, but I feel like I am medicating myself less frequently, whether it be with a soda or Excedrin. I noticed that once I gave that up it was easier for me to make other changes, eating less, eating better (SO not EVEN close to being perfect, but BETTER!) and slowly over the course of the time I quit I have been able to talk myself into being more active. On Saturday I ran further than I have ever run before in a single stretch. I am not a strong athlete, nor runner, but for me this was a victory. Since then I have been able to talk myself into running 15 more yards everyday. This is so hard, it is a very mental thing. Every one I talk to who runs tell me how mental it is, just getting yourself to that place is so very hard. The first day I went back I had my mind in that place, but I have to admit it has been a struggle. I am not an everyday runner, but plan on keeping it as part of my exercise regimine and doing a little more to improve myself and push myself. I just feel better (albeit beat, but better!) I am also doing more of the group classes at the gym, I am not sure what my physical goals are, just anything I can do to improve myself all the way around.
This is really personal, but Hubbs and I have decided to do Foster Care in hopes of getting our next child here sooner. We have been "finding" a birthmother for five months with LDSFS and have heard nothing. No phone calls, no e-mails. My heart is aching. This is such a hard thing for me to share, since I feel a lot of questions and judgements from people because of it, "Why are you adopting, can't you have your "own" children?" "Why can't you just be happy with the two you have?" The answers don't come easy. I think about them all the time, but it just comes down to the fact that I don't feel like we are done. I honestly and completely feel like there is one more child to join our family. The only way I can feel at peace is to do all that I can to get them here. I imagine the feelings would be the same had I adopted J and Memms, and feel like no matter what I am in the right place in my life. This does not go without saying I am not fearful, I think like most couples we just don't want to wait for years and years. I don't want to be holding onto something for so long that it consumes my life, that when I look back I regret losing time for even a second with my little ones now. So, even though my heart is aching I am trying to focus my energy onto J and Memm, and hoping that while I do that someone out there can help us find our next child soon. We are so happy, and for the first time in a while I am feeling hopeful that a change is coming.
Life is good despite the slowing real estate market. We have been blessed to have a few clients in Hubb's back pocket to get us through this slump, and through it all we are able to make ends meet. This is a true testament to me of how mindful Heavenly Father is of our little family. We are making it work and I am thrilled, something I wasn't sure was going to happen when we moved into this beautiful home. I am so happy here, I just feel so good to be home and with our family, it is just so nice.
I have been reading, like CRAZY. Even with all of that I am impressed at how much I am getting accomplished. I am a reading addict. I just finished the Stephanie Meyer series, SO GOOD...I highly recommend that series. To be honest, and I am not sure why, I hated the first book and a half, but by the second half of two and #3 I was hooked! Definitely cannot wait until #4 comes out next fall. I just finished The Glass Castle. I recall seeing a show about Jeanette Walls and her family a few years back. I am so impressed with her memoir, a very good read, and a very good kick in the butt for the rest of us. If you have some time, I suggest you pick one up.
Well, that is about it, how is that for an update on ME? Hope things are going wonderfully for the rest of you!


Emily said...

Thanks so much for sharing, Kim! I benefit from it, as do lots of those who read your blog, I am sure. You have so much on your plate! You are doing great! I think of Pres. Hinckley's counsel to just do the best we can every day... You are doing this, Kim! You are amazing! I'll try to catch you this weekend so I can hear about your HAWAII TRIP!!! I love and admire you.

Cassie said...

You inspire me Miss Kim. I love you!

Cassie said...

AND freaking AWESOME that you're going to do foster care! I'm so excited for you. You guys are so flippin' awesome.

ec said...

kim...i loved reading this. isn't it crazy, this world we live in? we live miles and miles away from eachother, but you can help me in the way you have and i can feel like i kinda actually know you? like i have something in common with you. crazy how technology can be so great that way, but i think what makes me relate to you most is the gospel. i love how open and honest you are with your feelings about your testimony.

keep running! i've always been into sports, but running long distance made me want to...ya know. but i worked on it and actually ran in a race! and it was so fun and felt so rewarding.

and the twilight series...ahhh. loved them. i'm the same as you...hated the first 400 pages, but i'm totally addicted.

one question for you. edward, or jacob? ;)

now that this is a novel, i'll sign off.

you are fabulous!

ec said...

the jury's still out on that one. i just have to ask everyone who's read it.

of course edward is the obvious. but warm, and hairy. then there's the small detail of NOT having to turn into a vampire.

to sum it up: happy for bella, sad for jacob.

whoa. i am way too into those books.

Amanda said...

SO beautiful Kim! Both the picture and your words. THanks for lifting me up and reminding me who I am.

blair said...

I gave up soda 2 weeks ago, how ironic! It was purely miserable, but now any type of sugar makes my body litterly sick. It's funny, considering soda is like 1milliongrams ofsugary junk. But Keep your head up, whatever is intended to happen, will indeed happen. You have so much to be focused on, a growing business, school, the children you do have, don't let your desires throw you in a loop.

Tim and Ashlee said...

Kim, my heart aches for you. I can TOTALLY understand you wanting to add to your family. Children make the world go around. Good for you and the foster parent thing. So awesome.

And the running..I'm impressed. I wish I could get my stuff together and start running again.

Amy and Josh said...

Kim, I am so proud of you for running-it can be so difficult to find that mental strength. My dad is amazing, he is 70 (had a heartattack on Christmas day in 2005) and can run 6 to 12 miles depending on the day (more than I have even attempted in my 27 years).
I can usually make a mile and even somedays that seems impossible, but I tell myself a mile is good even if I am dying by the last stretch. Right now I think I'll be walking more, since the energy isn't there-my lit'l baby is taking all my energy at the moment.

I think foster care is great. I have even considered doing it down the road if we ever get into a house!! But that is really great, there are so many kids who need good homes and you guys are perfect.

I'll have to read The Glass Castle for sure, anything to get my mind off of the whole Edward and Bella drama!!
I just love you kim and feel honored to have you as a friend, and I love the picture-you are too beautiful.

marci helen said...

Kim you are amazing!! I wish I were as determined and dedicated as you!! So inspiring!! Thanks for finally posting a picture of you!! I love to see your sweet face!

moosh in indy. said...

Here's some inspiration, tell a few hundred people you plan on posting a picture of yourself in a bikini.
That'll make vegetables taste like Oreos. Well, maybe not. But it is motivation.
We really need to be neighbors. We'd be the bee's knees.
Kisses and WHOOT on your big fancy job, I'm still here. Fending off the robbers.

Barrett said...

I have another friend who is hooked on that series and recommending it on her blog-I don't do vampires though...or read (it makes me dizzy!) I saw your picture and though it was the same post from your other blog so I didn't notice all the comments until now! Sorry! I am glad you are getting back "on track!" I wish I could! Soon I hope! Good luck! I don't run either! I follow the two R's-no reading or running! Maybe they can cancel each other out! No sitting on my butt and no exercising? Hhhmmm... probably not!

Lace said...

Do you know how much I've been craving excercise??? I love to go running... although, by the time I can really run again I'm sure if I can make it around the block I'll feel like I ran a marathon! I'm sure you can easily kick my butt! I'm amazed at all the wonderful things you've been able to take on! Good for you! Life is always busy so it's great that you enjoy the things that keep it that way!

me said...

I love your posts! Always so honest and real! Way to go on the running, i need to get my butt out there and keep going. I just hate it and i'm waiting to love it like everyone says i will!!!
Way to go on the Foster care. My FIL is a social worker that works with foster parents and i honestly think the world of people who will do it!!! You're amazing!

Ron and Jessica said...

Hey Kim, that's so great you're going to do foster care...I hope your family comes soon too!

amy gretchen said...

This is what I love about you are real. Thanks for that tonight.

I think it's awesome that one little goal like getting rid of soda can make such a difference in other areas of your life.

I sounds like you are really blessed right now and hope that your life will continue to unfold the way you dream, even if it's not exactly the way you thought it would all happen.

Sounds like we are also reading the same book, just got done with glass castle and really enjoyed the twilight series.

Carrie said...

Kim- you are such an inspiration! Seriously- you are my running hero. I can't imagine you looking more fabulous than you already do, but you go girl! Now I need to kick my butt in shape!

Isn't it crazy how your life can get so out of order sometimes? One day you have it all together and the next you wonder how you're ever going to catch up and get organized again! Things were so easy and running more smoothly when Lina was 2 and under. Well, ok, more like 1. LOL! I miss the happiness and the satisfaction that having life in order brings! Thanks for helping me bring my life into perspective. I've started taking inventory of my life now too. SO much work to do here!

I'm am so excited for you and your little family on your journey to bringing another child in your home! I don't know another family that would rock as much as yours does and will at being a foster home! Yours is so warm and caring. You can tell. Best wishes on your new adventure! Your family is in my prayers!

Love you!

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

I need this today.

I am glad I clicked on this.

Thank you for posting this in 2007 so I could read it in Dec 2010.

I love you.