Thursday, June 21, 2012

Choose to be Happy | Emotional Vomit

Choose to be Happy Necklace from my etsy shop The R House Couture

"So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment."
-Thomas S. Monson

While it is true, it is definitely the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. The past nearly two years have been full of so much up and down and turmoil, I often times find myself looking out the window, wishing to fly, wishing to breathe again wishing for nothing but a moment of solace and sweet, silent, happiness.

Creating my own happiness has been an amazing experience. I recently read a book about Stalin's occupation of Lithuania and the subsequent removal of the Lithuanian people. While the book was fiction, so much of it was written from real life experiences. My heart ached for these people, and yet the book was written from the perspective of a 15 year old girl, who knew that without the choice of happiness she would never survive. That is how it is with us in this day, in our circumstances. I have it so much better than this girl did. I have nothing to complain about. Truly I do not. So, why do I still?

Because even though we are finding happiness, circumstances still suck. I am still greatly sad. I still suffer from debilitating depression like I have had for the past two days. It is hard to overcome at times and see that the big picture may turn out differently than I see it during these dark moments.

I have been feeling angry lately. I know where anger comes from...I know what its effects are on me, on my spirit, on my body. I hate being angry. Anger is such a powerful emotion. There is so much I want to spew, but I am choosing to endure it silently, to get through it, let it wash over me like a wave and hope for a better day. I know it will subside. I know it will be gone soon, I don't want it to waste me away like I have seen it do. Life is too short, this time too precious.

Sorry for my emotional vomitous post. (Vomitous is not a word, yet I still like it.) I just need to reaffirm that I can get through this. Good things are in store. I am so very very blessed. As in, truly, seriously, blessed.

How do you remember to choose happiness when it gets hard?


Emily said...

Vomitous is my new favorite word and I shall use it today at least once no matter how I have to fit it into the conversation.

I don't know if I consciously choose happiness unless you count "plugging along" as the same thing. Many days that's just what I'm doing.

Oh, and sending lots of love your way too. I do that most every day.

Instant Mother said...

Well my life is a bowl of peaches and cream all the time . . . Geesh not even close. I consciously pick things I'm grateful for, when life is so stinking hard. Other days I tell myself today is the best day of my life and work towards making it true.

I have little things also, like putting jewels into all the places that are pierced, red velvet cake, fast cars, great cologne. On really rough days I dress up in ask my jewels and cute clothes, test drive a fast convertible after hugging the best smelling sales guy, returning home for some cake. 20 minutes I'm back to normal.

Find your happy pieces and put them together, its worth it. Hugs Emilie

Ramblings of a Redhead said...

You are as amazing as they come, my dear. I chose happiness by counting my blessings. So cheesy and cliche, but when you stop to think about the good things in your life, they will ALWAYS trump the bad things. Keep a gratitude journal. Oprah says that's the secret to the happiest life possibel...and Oprah knows EVERYTHING :)

DisabilityDiva said...

I love you and the perspective of choosing. you are one of my heros. after having cancer i try very hard to be present and enjoy the moment even when i could do otherwise that makes me happy.

Aarika said...

I agree 110% with you. YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. You CAN DO IT! :) I love the necklace you ladies created. Its a powerful message.

I feel the way I choose happiness is similar to how I choose to eat at a buffet. Every plate I make is different, BUT its filled with all types of foods that I love and enjoy. Each day is different, and I do one thing that I love and enjoy at times that are rough. Whether its eating my favorite fruit snacks, playing outdoor volleyball, hiking, doing a mini bike ride downtown,laughing at my own jokes when no one else does. Those are just a few. But my biggest one when I am feeling waayyyyy low, is I HAVE to make another feel happy by an act of kindness, in order for me to be happy. My soul is immediately filled with goodness.

I love you Kim and your beautiful soul! You can DO IT! XOXOXO

Becky Rose said...

A year has past since I left WA and my husband. I've dealt with anger of him and the people who introduced us and what they don't know about it all. They see it as my fault, but they really don't know.

It got so bad that I didn't even know what to think about during the hard times. Can you imagine - not knowing what to think about. Some one told me to sing primary songs, hymns, etc. I tried that.

But what really helped was giving it to the Lord. I was in teh temple and per usual the lights went out and I start bawling. I think I turned my head everywhich way as if trying to find a solution to what I was feeling. Nothing was helping long term, not blessings, not counseling, not talking to friends, my bishop etc. I finally in desperation said I need you to take this from me Jesus. Take it away! And you know what- it went away immediately. While it has not solved everything, and there are moments when I still get bugged, want to write a letter and explain things, etc It is SO much better, so different than it used to be. I am happier. I turned a corner. make you're self a sign that says- Relax: it's in God's hands. But first Give it to him. Ask him to take it. Maybe you already have. Keep doing it- asking him every day.

In 5 months, 5 years it will be different!

I listened to a great book this spring called 10, 10, 10. It's about decision making. It's worth a try. What will the consequences be in 10 min, 10 months and 10 years.

I hope you're on meds. If not- GET SOME!

Hugs and support coming your way!
Love, Becky

Becky Rose said...

You know what else- my counselor told me to make a gratitude list every night. He said 10 things. I didn't think it was possible, but it is and I've kept doing it and that helps too. A few days I can't make it to 10 but most it's easy. It's usually the small things- Ice cream, a phone, talking to friends, a free meal, etc. Give that a try too.

danette said...

I am not really happy. I have not been for a while. I am not sure if I don't want to be happy or if I don't know how. I am doing things I am told and am not happy. I am reading the scriptures I am going to the temple I am praying I am exercising. I am still not at peace. Maybe it is because I don't really like myself. Maybe you are truly happy when you love yourself.

Sorry to rant. I am just frustrated with myself.

Angela said...

Moments of peace. Answered prayers. Healing. Now I'm starting to be able to say "So last time I was in a situation where I felt like this it was only ____ amount of time before it got better....ok I can wait...."

Kristen Duke Photography said...

What a beautiful necklace! I just wanted to stop by and say hello, I found you via the EVO pinterest page, excited to go and see other photographers going too!

mrs. r said...

I love you!

Amy said...

After feeling so very distant from my Heavenly Father these past few months I didn't know why. Until yesterday in Sacrament. I realized I had grown casual in my relationship with Him. I had pulled away, so as of today I am plunging into the Book of Mormon and trying to feel closer to all He is.
Love you Kim, hope the Anger leaves and life gets a bit brighter. I so just want to hang out with you Lady!!!

Rachel B said...

I think you are amazing. I like the old cliche: "Let go and let God." Elder Holland came to our stake for stake conference a few months ago and he said that God is aware of all of our tear filled sleepless nights and broken hearts, but that everything broken will be (somehow) handed back to us (the faithful) in the next life. This is not the life of happy endings (for ANYONE). the happy ending comes at the end. I don't know, when I think of that and realize that this life is meant for us to feel bad a lot, it helps me. Also, focusing on what I can do and trying not to focus on what I can't control is also helpful. Love you. :)