Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Finally, a story that ends WITH a baby.

I am extremely teary right now.

This post needs to be written.
I hate that it has taken so long.
It is so sacred, and so special that it needed me to have the time to put it down.

I will preface with the fact that I have an EXTREME case of
"pregnant brain" combined with sleep deprivation.

It is my hope I can remember the minutes of this day like they happened, and recall with full heart how I felt.

The Monday prior to Millz birth, I had an appointment with my doctor where he
"stretched my cervix".

Let's just leave it at this: That it hurt like a mother. And I left with his words ringing in my mind, "60-70% of women will begin labor within 48 hours."

On the way home I texted one of my besties.
She said, "You'll prolly be in the 30% that don't start labor huh?" She knew what I was thinking.
I went home that night uncomfortable, but with no signs that I would have this baby before my doctor was scheduled to leave for his vacation on Friday.


I wanted nothing more than to have HIM there to deliver this sweet girl. I prayed hard, I cleaned my house,

So, the night before Millz was born, I was out photographing a beautiful friend of mine, Crystalyn.
Yes, nine months pregnant I was still shooting, but at that point, one only hopes and prays that any sort of physical activity will activate full blown labor.

It didn't.

I went home and had a hard time falling asleep.
I felt like CRAP.

I woke up the next morning still feeling just all around yucky, but not in "labor". Sure, I had contractions...just like the weeks before, every 3-30 minutes. Crystalyn called me that morning, just to say,
"I felt like I needed to call you and see how you are doing."

Because of her sweet call, and her urging me to go to the doctor, I started to think,
"Huh, maybe I am in labor?"

She proceeded to tell me,
"You know you feel like crap because: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!"

I still laugh at that sentence.
Hindsight: She was right. At the moment: I was in denial.

I told her that I would indeed go into the hospital if I didn't start feeling better. The contractions kept coming and coming, but inconsistently, and I still felt like crapola.

I ran some errands with Hubbs, we got some lunch, then dropped the older kiddos off on the in-laws and we were off to the hospital, just to see what the heck was up and why I was feeling so icky.

We got to the hospital at 4:00 p.m.

It took what felt like forever to get to the L&D room for monitoring. Here, I was informed they would monitor me for an hour...see if I was progressing, if not then they would send me home.


I was dilated to a 2+ when I came in. I could have cried (remember all the cervix stretching? A fancy term for "stripping of the membranes") Well when the nurse, Kathleen told me that I hadn't progressed since then...I CRIED. I knew the hour would be pointless...I felt dumb for even going into the hospital. I just wanted to turn around and leave. But I didn't...I stayed for the entire hour.

Kathleen came back in, checked me and I dilated 1/2 a centimeter. YES a half. They want you to dilate 1 centimeter an hour in order to keep you. Kathleen was SO sweet, and SO kind that she said,

"Well, how about if we keep you for one more hour? But if you don't dilate I will have to send you home because we are SUPER FULL."

Me: "Okay." All the time hoping and praying that SOMETHING would happen.

I took a few laps around the L&D floor. Hubbs was at a closing during this hour...so I was alone.
I had a lot of time to contemplate about this sweet baby girl. How I wanted to meet her, how I longed to have our Dr. Lloyd be there to deliver her, how I wanted Jon to be able to come and photograph her first perfect moments of life...
I prayed a lot that week...that things would line up and all would go perfectly, like I wanted it to.

After the second hour I went back to the room, and Kathleen checked me again. Dilated to a 3.5. BLAST. Only another 1/2 a centimeter? Things were happening but UBER slow. Kathleen said she was off to get some meds to send me home...assuring me I would be back within the day to have the baby.

She left the room, and there I was alone with baby in my belly, teary, praying.

I prayed and prayed and prayed.

The monitors were still on. Kathleen didn't come back.
She didn't come back for almost 45 minutes.

When she did come back in, she said,
"Well, I called the Doctor on call (not my doctor...frowny face) and he wants to keep you."

Me: "WHAT?!"

Kathleen had been monitoring me and apparently in the 45 minutes since she had gone my blood pressure had sky-rocketed. (As did the pain level of the contractions which were now coming every 3 minutes).
Dr. Barton wanted to keep me for fear I was becoming preeclamptic.

Even though I felt like garbage...I was having a baby...soon!

Remember when I said Heavenly Father loved me?
Well, He does. A LOT.

I was admitted at 7:00 p.m.




Got my epidural at 9:00 p.m. Alone. Had sent Hubbs home to shower and change
(hello these pictures were going to be eternally shot on FILM...he had to look good.)
Needless to say, big mistake and my contractions went crazy painful after they broke my water (just seconds BEFORE he left.)

I am a wuss but a thankful wuss that there is such wonderful things as epidurals.

Mmm, epidural.

At 10:00 p.m. dilated to a five. Had Hubbs call Jon.
(Even though Hubbs and Kathleen thought I was crazy...they both thought baby wouldn't come for 'quite some time'".)

Jon arrives within the hour:


Don't I look freaking hott for being 9 months pregnant?
(I meant that...really!)


The pitocin, combined with the epidural really sped things along.
Wanna know the cool part? Who ordered the pitocin?

Dr. Lloyd.

Yep, Dr. Barton called him and HE CAME IN!

To deliver Millz.




Oh the hilarity when Dr. Lloyd came into check me and I introduced him to our friend Jon.
Dr. was like, "Uhm, do you want him to LEAVE?!"

Recall the "hooha" dilemma?

Who cares?

Anyway, he checks me and I am like at a six. Feeling TOTALLY dumb for calling Jon.
So Hubbs, Jon and I talk for the next hour.


Here I am texting mrs. r so she can give the world the play by play via twitter and facebook.

Thanks Linds.

Also, making Leisha spend tons of money by sending her texts. Get a new plan already okay Leish?



As we are sitting there, the new nurse comes in and I tell her:
"I am feeling a lot of pressure...I think the baby is ready."

So she checks me, and YEP...Millz was ready.








I pushed once.

The world stopped for a moment and the room went silent when we hear,
"The cord is around her neck."


Apparently all is well, when I push once more and Dr. Lloyd proclaims:
"Baby is out."

11:58 p.m.

Two minutes before my Step-dad's birthday.

What can I say, she wanted her own day.



She is beautiful, everything I imagined her to be and more.

She looks like her big sister, only with slightly smaller cheeks and lips.

Her head is perfectly round.

I bawl.

Hubbs bawls.


I think originally that her mouth is REALLY small, until I get these pictures back from Jon and see this one:


She has the same mouth as her brother and sister.

It is trademarked.


Dark hair. Tiny hands.


I hear her weight: 7lbs 9 ounces.

I proclaim: "She is so small."

Dr. Lloyd informs me that she is not small.

I insist: "Small for ME, she is TINY".

And the following photo which makes me cry to this day and is the entire reason I wanted Jon there to capture this moment, and why everyone needs someone there to capture this moment:


My sweetheart and eternal companion. I love him.
The best daddy ever.

He adores her already.




She is perfect in every way.




I still do nothing but hold her.

I am the luckiest girl.


All of my dreams have come true.

So will yours.

Keep hoping.

Never, never, never give up hope.



Janae said...

Hi, I'm Janae. I first found your blog through the R house. I loved your photography, loved your stories, and most of all? We have the same Dr. I adore Dr. LLoyd. He has delivered all 3 of my babies. He is a kind kind man. I love those pictures you have of him.

I love all your birthing pictures. Amazing. We had a photographer lined up and ready to shoot our baby's birth too. I had an emergency c-section so it didn't happen. But I am loving all the images he captured of your family.

You have beautiful kids. And I agree they all look very much alike.

Congrats on your new bundle!

Thanks for letting me read your blog!

Katie said...

Oh the chills! Thank you so much for sharing this precious story. I adore you!

Moxie said...

Ohh, Kim. So, so, so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing her and your story with us.

And for this...

"All of my dreams have come true.

So will yours.

Keep hoping.

Never, never, never give up hope.


I say thank you.

Emily said...

What a beautiful experience! It made me teary. Thank you for sharing!

Ashley said...

How did you know that I needed this today? You're the best. <3

The Snellie's said...

Every time I see those pictures I get teary...thanks a lot! Love ya.

nakia said...

love you kim.

Jon said...

Oh Kim! I got so emotional looking at that photo of when you just had her and your hand was up to your face and your Hubbs is right by your side. That made me happy to read your story. Thanks for sharing. I love your kids "Trademark" mouths!!


mrs. r said...


for the record, everyone, that is ME she is texting in that glorious picture.

the pictures are divine. the one of you bawling makes me bawl.

the one of flav with his hands to his face makes me giggle.

love the O fam.


Trent and Carlie & Co. said...

Love your story Kim! So touching. Children are miracles.

Holly said...

Love these pictures, of course. Jon is the man. So happy for you - you'll never know how much! Hugs.

Cassie said...

beautiful story... more tears here... love baby Millz and love you.

Brenda said...

Nothing like a good cry to start the day!!!! This is precious Kim!!!! Thank you for sharing it with all of us!!!! I am so happy for you and your family!!!! She is a beautiful miracle!!
I just love miracles!

Arianne said...

I think this is one of my favorite posts Kim! I loved it! loved the emotion, the pictures, your story! loved it and that little Milz is something else, she is a TRUE miracle!

Kristina P. said...

I love that you shared your story with us! And you did look beautiful.

~kamie~ said...



Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You and your cute, cute family are amazing!

Tim and Ashlee said...

Love love love this post! I love that you had Millz's birth story photographed. Amazing! I love the photo of you and "Hubbs" where you're crying and he's kissing you. Such true emotions!!

Rick & Liz said...

What a beautiful story Kim! And you are so beautiful. I can't believe you were having a baby/ just had a baby in these pictures! Gorgeous! Millz is beautiful as well. Your story touched me so much. Thanks for the reminder to keep hoping. I needed to read this today. :)

mommyoffour said...

wow Kim, I loved this post. Love the pictures and the story. I too have tears coming down my cheeks. I am so happy for you. Very, very, happy. xoxoxox.

Amanda said...

Kim: I also found you through the R House...you both inspire me so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this sacred experience. I had a few tears of my own. Congratulations on your sweet, beautiful addition. You deserve it!

me said...

Oh Kim, i just LOVED this! What a gift to have all those beautiful photographs of such an amazing moment. You looked GORGEOUS! I'm just thrilled for you!

Shauna said...

I hope it's ok that I write a comment on your blog.

I just wanted to thank you for sharing this amazing story of your beautiful little girl. After five years of trying my husband and I got pregnant for the first time. We were over the moon ecstatic and excited. Then last month we miscarried, and it has been so devastating.

Thank you for reminding me not to lose hope. Sometimes when I can't tell Heavenly Father much of anything because I feel so much hurt, I try and have faith and hope that there are still more babies in heaven for us. Thanks for sharing your inspirational story!

ls said...

oh! i love this post. your words and the pictures are so beautiful and make me fill with joy that i will have the opportunity to give birth to another sweet babe again (almost 16 weeks pregnant... shhh, we haven't really announced it yet). i am so happy for you kim. happy that everything went so well, happy that you have these most gorgeous pictures, happy that you have a new baby in your arms. blessings.

The Lilly's said...

Dr. Lloyd is great, he delivered Alex also. I wish I could go back and have someone there to capture all those moments the way Jon did for you. What an amazing keepsake.

Andrea Lemon said...

These are beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Enjoy the holding and know that we all love you.

Amber Ro said...

What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing. I've never had the guts to take pics in the delivery room and such, but after seeing this, it makes me want to be bold next time and do it.

Shan said...

Oh kimmie! i love your story, it made me cry. i really really need to blog mine at some time, when there is a spare moment....someday :) but i am so happy for you guys, and must say that she is so gorgeous!!!!!!!!! beautiful baby, beautiful mamma, beautiful family. love you guys!!!!!!!!!

Josh and Anna said...

What a precious story Kim! Your little one is such an angel, I loved reading all about her birth. And yes, you DO look totally hot in those pictures!

Ron and Jessica said...

We could not be happier for you! We're so glad this story ends with a beautiful baby!

Krystal said...

yes, finally indeed... so glad it all turned out well... and someday when I am married and expecting, I hope to have you there to photograph every little detail.

Happy everything said...

Beautifull pictures, beautifull baby (my lovely cousin), we are very happy for all of you. Loved to be at the blessing. Thank you for the invitation. Baby is growing so fast and the gift will be little, so please... I am wondering if you guys are planing to go to the Brazilian festival, if not... please, I will probably need to leave the small (tiny gift) at your in laws.
My favorite picture is when you cry, I cried too.

Heather said...

such a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

How did I not comment on this? I looked at it, cried, and thought I want someone to do this for me...but MY hubbs would never go for it.

What a happy ending! I love that you never gave up hope. You are an inspiring woman.

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being my friend.

Loves you!

Christal said...

beautiful.you.baby.family.this post.

moosh in indy. said...

Yeah, that one of your husband looking at her? That's when I lost it.
I'm so glad you finally got a happy ending.

Wendy said...

Thanks! Sometimes we need reminders of the happy endings! Or I guess happy beginnings. She is BEAUTIFUL. You guys are such great parents, and you write beautifully. Thanks!

Barrett said...

I love the docs in that office! After I had Evan, Dr Irion (who delivered Kaitlyn) came and saw me a few times. Even Dr. Esplin (who delivered Karah) came to see me! But my own doctor?! Nope! Still haven't heard from him-in FOUR months! It makes me pretty upset that he really didn't care after acting like he did! You are so lucky! I don't know what I'm going to do if I ever get prego (in a million years!) I do know that I want you to take pictures! I still regret not having you come for Evan. It was just so hard seeing him...

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Kim! I saw your beautiful birth story on Jonathan Canlas' blog and recognized you. I scooted right over here and read your wonderful birth story- thank you for sharing it. I'm so happy for you- your baby is so darling and perfect. Congratulations!

Michelle Jensen said...

Gosh Kim you make labor and delivery look like a breeze with all those professional pics of the play by play. How awesome loved it!! You are such a cute mom. love you

Heather said...

Tears of happiness for you Kimmi! I am so, so happy for your family.


Amy and Josh said...

Beautiful story Kim. sorry I haven't read it until today:) The pictures say SO much, you look Gorgeous as always. SO happy for your family, and I love the trademark mouth.lol.

Janelle Keller said...

Hi Kim,
I found you through MckMama's community. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over a year and half (but who is counting? ha!)
What beautiful pictures you have of your baby's birth. Please pray for my husband and I and our future family. We're praying for whatever God wishes for us... and adoption is a great choice :)