Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Be Aware.

I have been debating for months and months as to whether or not I should blog about this particular situation. Some things have arisen today that tell us that this person is NOT in anyway who she claimed herself to be, and with the announcement of our being chosen by our a birth mother, this person who shall be known as "C" has begun attacking me, my friends, and is saying very hurtful and untrue things for whatever reason. I hope that if you have been one of the people targeted, and that this person has e-mailed you, that you will feel comfortable to come to me, to e-mail me, so that we can discuss further and talk through what is happening. I appreciate those of you who have come forward to tell me about these e-mails and this contact from this person. For this reason I feel it is very important to share these things I am about to share with you. Hopefully this way, no one will have to hurt the way our family has been hurt, and continues to be hurt by those who are untruthful and dishonest and are just out to hurt people like me and my husband, and others hoping to adopt. Stick with me, it is worth it.

Firstly, an article from the Someone's Missing Handbook, Making Your Adoption Happen, A Finder's Guide for Families who are Hoping to Adopt.

Internet Safety--Adoption

Avoiding Online Fraud Adopting a child can be one the happiest occasions in your life. In order to have a positive experience, you must take some precautions, especially when using the Internet. The likelihood of fraud is greater unless you take proper care.To protect yourself, consider the following points:
Due to your strong desire for a baby, you may be vulnerable to online scams and unreasonable requests that are not in your best interest.

Always choose an ethical path for your adoption, which is not necessarily the shortest or easiest path. For instance, some states require birth father notification before a court approves an adoption to occur. In addition, all states dictate that adoptions are subject to finalizing court custodial decrees prior to a couple crossing state boundaries to return home with the baby. These laws can cause inconveniences to adoptive couples but are required. Other ethical issues may also surface that call in to question the best interest of all parties to the adoption. For example, a birth parent may request that an adoptive couple pay for inappropriate items, services, or procedures that have nothing to do with support through her pregnancy. Couples are strongly encouraged to abide by the laws and ethical practices of adoption.
Protect your privacy. In online profiles, don't mention your employer, salary, home or work phone numbers. Invite birth mothers to call your adoption cell phone number if you are in possession of one.

Don't make a hasty decision, no matter how anxious you are for a child. Don't over commit to anyone until your caseworker has had time to check out the situation.
Money should only be given through the agency. Do not give money directly to the birth mother. The agency will approve expenses and disburse funds directly to the appropriate person such as a landlord, physician, or utility company.
The most common form of fraud involves someone who accepts money from an adoptive family knowing that she will never place a child for adoption. She may promise a child to several families, collecting money from each.

Be cautious with anyone who contacts you directly and prefers to work only through you. A woman who is sincere about adoption will provide you with specific contact information and she should respect your request that she talk with your caseworker.

Additional Red Flags

The birth mom wants to bring the baby to you. She may say this to get you to buy a plane ticket for her that she can cash in later. Most true birth mothers want you to come to them.

The birth mom is not available by phone or the address is not verifiable.
She does not provide proof of pregnancy or other requested documents. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information. She may have a sudden miscarriage or hospitalization when you ask for too much information.

She does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She will not give you real names or numbers of doctors.

It's rare, but has happened: fraud not for money, but for attention or to inflict harm. In these cases the birth parent is not pregnant at all. She may be desperately lonely and in need of psychological help. She wants to talk intimately with someone and knows she can find emotionally fragile adoptive parents who will care about her. Her victims are manipulated into longing for the child. The game lasts only until she is asked to document her pregnancy or to meet the agency caseworker.

Birth Mother Scams

In the middle of the night you may receive a call from a woman you don't know. She has put off her decision to place the child for adoption until the last possible moment. She is in the hospital and going into labor.

Ask her to tell you the name of the hospital and her doctor. Give this information to your caseworker who can call the hospital maternity ward to verify the woman's story.Some homeless birth mothers are truly in need of assistance. You will want them to be safe and, if the law allows, the agency may provide them with services that include housing assistance. Your caseworker will verify their story before spending any money.

Screening Your Birth Mother

As a prospective adopting parent, your main worry may be whether the birth parent you will connect with will complete the adoption. The first task is to confirm her sincerity about the adoption. This can be difficult, especially if she is located far from where you live. In your first phone call, find out her phone number and the location from which she is calling. With this information, you may be able to enlist the help of an agency caseworker in her area to meet with her and verify her information.In response to your online profile, you may receive e-mails from people who claim to represent a birth mother. It is best to say, "Great! Have her contact us or our caseworker. We'd like to talk and we'll send you some information you can give her."If this person says, "You can only go through me to reach her, " consider that a red flag and move cautiously.

Please consider these additional tips when screening a birth mother.

Search out her contact name using Google (e.g. in "JaneDoe" on Google.) If the birth mother is using a different name while chatting with an instant messenger program, perform a Google search on this name as well. If you are dealing with a scammer, you may find they they have posted information on other Web sites.

If your contact has sent you pictures, right click on the picture and obtain the picture's file name. Take the file name and perform an "Image" Google search. Some scammers steal pictures off of other Web pages and then send them to adoptive couples claiming the picture as their own. Be very cautious when you use this screening technique as searching some contact images may lead to Web sites that are pornographic in nature.

Some adoptive couples have visited online forums such as www.forums.adoption. com. Couples who have encountered a contact that turned out to be a scam may post this information on these forums. Building a networking relationship with other online adoptive couples can be valuable in detecting fraudulent contacts who claim to be birth parents. Always exercise caution when networking online as information you receive may not always be accurate.

A contact may give you a cellular or residential telephone number. The Internet has many Web sites where you can verify a contact's telephone number. This is called a "reverse look-up" and allows you to type in a contact's cellular or residential phone number to ensure it matches up with the name. Some sites are free while others require payment for use.

Verifying a contact person's state or city in important when screening birth mothers. Web sites such as allow you to search by name or telephone number.
One of the best tools to screen birth parents in your LDS Family Services' caseworker. Your caseworker can help you find out and verify information. When a birth parent visits an LDS Family Services office, the caseworker can verify information and pregnancy status.


Now that this icky stuff is out of the way, I want to tell you about "C". C started contact with us in April of this year. She said she was seventeen, was pregnant, and had initially contacted us through the LDSFS website. Through the course of a few weeks we became extremely close, and eventually she told Hubbs and I that she wanted to place her baby with us. Great, we were excited, thrilled, and if any of you know us, we were going through a really emotional time during all of this, having lost our baby...and really our relationship with C was never one but love and care and concern for her and for her baby...we wanted to help her in any way possible, even if she didn't place her baby with us, we wanted her to get the help that she needed. I'm here to tell you today that C was NOT who she said she was, she was/and is a scammer, and hopefully I can share with you what I have learned so that she will not hurt anyone else, and especially those that I love and care for so dearly as she is currently doing.

In our situation, these are the red flags that we ignored at first...

There was ALWAYS some emergency...she was sick A LOT...always in the hospital, always some problem with her parents. She said her mom had died of cancer a few years prior and that she was struggling with her step-mother.

She was going to run away from home, and come stay with us. When she asked if this was okay and we initially told her it wouldn't be a good idea, she used that to her advantage and made us feel terrible, like we had done something wrong...which we hadn't and we were in the right.

She would NEVER go to the agency and talk to a worker. She was REALLY good about making ME feel good that she wanted ME to go with her (she lived out of state) just another red flag that she wasn't who she said she was and wasn't willing to make things legit.

She had what we believe, to be using a fake name, her Facebook, which she added me to, and then later blocked me from when I got smart, had many many friends from where she said she lived, but guess what? None of those friends ever wrote on her wall. No one ever asked her how she was doing, etc. She didn't have pictures on her Facebook either.

She would never send US pictures. One night and one night only she would trade up tiny pictures over instant messaging, and then one night she uploaded a ton of pictures to Facebook, then mysteriously the next day they were that I couldn't even show Hubbs. Hmmm. Then as her due date approached, she sent me a picture of JUST a belly, no head...just a pregnant belly, which of course we all know, you can't verify who the person is with no head. Interesting.

We would make plans to meet with her, seven times to be exact, and she would never show up...or some emergency would happen and she would not be able to make least at first she was kind enough to let us know she wasn't coming...up until the fourth time I think...then she just got lazy and rude and wouldn't call or anything for days later.

So, during this time, up until three or so weeks into it, we trusted her, believed her...then we put it out for the world on the blog...when a sweet friend, after reading the post called me and told me to be careful, that the things C had written to us in our little post were some of the exact things another birth mother had written to her. The reference to the baby as "Munchkin" or "Gremlin" both terms which another suspected scammer had used on my friend and her husband....Hubbs and I had been concerned for a few days about C being a scammer...this is when I did some hard core searching and finding to see what I could come up with...

I paid to have her phone number searched...her phone was indeed made out to the name she said was hers, but no valid address. No information could be found on her father or her step mother. There were no people on Facebook or MySpace that matched the names of her sibling...strange and weird seeing how she said they had them...?!

Then I started googling her name...her ID's for everything that I knew...and low and behold eBay...the lovely thing that it is was THE KEY...this C had mentioned to me that she was selling her iPod on eBay...silly silly C...well I noticed that she was using the same id on eBay as she had for her e-mail, for her instant messenger etc...and that she had changed her id in the last few weeks, about the same time she contacted us...hmmm...and guess what her old eBay user id led me to? An accused adoption scammer from New Mexico...and where was this eBay user from? Well none other than New Mexico.

There is a lady, Lynne who runs who was an angel and a princess at this time. She helped me find out all sorts of information on the way that is NOT her name...nothing she said was EVER true to my knowledge, she was NOT 18, definitely NOT pregnant, and definitely NOT who she said she was. She was in fact, 32, has a warrant out for her arrest in New Mexico (hope you are aware C) and has been scamming couples like my husband and I since 2004.

I NEVER wanted to hurt C...even when I knew she wasn't who she said she was. I never wanted anything bad to happen to her. I feel really confused right now as to why she is trying to hurt me and my family. Some crazy stuff.

So, now, she has taken it upon herself to e-mail some of my dearest friends in the world and tell them horrible lies and things that she herself said about her own friends, her own family. She is mean, she is nasty...and once she is caught she turns (as has been apparent in the past) and basically turns wicked.

I just wanted to put this out there because I never felt it was my place to talk about my scamming experience, but this person has taken it upon herself to stalk my family, my life, and ruin it for whatever reason. I am not afraid of her. I don't want her or anyone like her to hurt those that I love. So, especially to my friends in the adoption world, be careful...I am so thankful that my friend called met the day that she did...and more than likely C and her H are the same people.

Be aware...


dust and kam said...


Much love to you! I'm so glad you met Juliet! :)

blair said...

whaaaaaaaat!!! OH. MY. HECK. Kim, what a HEARTLESS thing, I am so so sorry, but more so, I'm so glad for you and your Juliett!

Anna said...

Wow, i hope she gets what she deserves very soon.

Carrie said...

LOVE blog world and how you can get out that nice piece of info out to the world!

Watch out C!!! I've got Kim's back! You don't want to know what can come down over here!

Cheers to you my dear Kim! I'm sorry you had to deal with the lowliest of scums and losers! You are such an awesome person and you will move on from this and be extremely happy! Unlike other people like "C". That Karma is going to bit her in the A$$!

Loves Kim!

Anonymous said...

I love that she is so desperate for any kind of attention she is willing to sink to an all time low. That tells me what caliber of "person" or as she calls her fake offspribg "gremlin." Don't you think Gremlin is so much more appropriate? I love that she is so pathetic she tries to get attention by pretending to be 17. Wouldn't that indicate her intelligence and maturity level are right in that range (although I would put it closer to a 12 year old.) Don't you love that she is such a loser that she tries to hurt good people to make herself feel better? I love that she has shown her true colors. She is a liar, a devil in sheeps clothing (or in her case a fake pregnant persons pictures), and a snake. May she get back all that she has done to others in the hereafter.

Miss Myra said...

Oh honey, this I know. I got to know "C" throughout all of this. I am a birthmother and started talking to her to kind of help her through this hard time. She ran me ragged and through the loops. Even posted wretched things about me on her blog. I was very bewildered by her behavior because yes we birthmothers are all different but there are some similar underlying behaviors and feelings. I eventually CALLED HER OUT on the shiz she was pulling with my dear friends. I asked her why she was lying about silly things and why she was being so rude and mean to the people she said "she loved more than anyone". As the blog says. She got PISSED and started slamming me to kim and to the blog world. I felt bad at first but as the truth came out I feel good about sticking up for my dear friends and how they should be treated.
Hey "C", ( i know you stalk kim in every way even on the internet so i know you will read this.)lets just say if i meet you anywhere or here of you jacking with any of my friends,(sound familiar) I will call you out again. To be a birthmother is a Sacred calling, not to be taken lightly and may i say YOU WILL NEVER BE WORTHY OF IT. EVER!!! Good luck in the reality that you have created C. And as far as you and me are concerned, it's on.

ec said...

holy cow ... i would have never even thought that something like this was possible. good for you for being strong, kim. keep it up. 'c' will get what's coming to her ...

heather... said...

C - you will never win. People like you can try to hurt Kim, try to hurt her friends, try to hurt her family, but in the end? You have to answer to a higher power. Kim, her friends, and her family have love and friendship, and that gives them a kind of strength that you can never, ever defeat. I am sorry for you - and not in a good way.

Marty said...

It's awful you had to go through this!!!

moosh in indy. said...

dude. you know how I feel.
and look! There's my Marty leaving you comments!

Rhiannon said...

Oh my gosh. Wondering what kind of awful person it takes to do something like this.

Robby Slaughter said...

moosh sent me here.

Fraud injures the souls of the deceived, blackens the heart of the perpetrators, and wounds a world struggling for any trust between strangers. Your story is supremely horrific. You were cheated out of more than money or possessions—robbed of love for a child who never existed. This is profiteering mixed with evil. You deserve every note of sympathy. All the best to you and your family.

The Lilly's said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that...and I'm so happy for you to hear about Juliet! That's awesome!!!

Heather said...

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! I seriously want to hurt 'C'!! How could a human being put another Human Being through that. . .There is a special hell for people like her and melestors!! I do not envy the pain she will feel when she has to explain herself to the big guy upstairs!! What a (naughty word)!!

What is it with you 'C'? Putting Kim through lies after heartbreaking lies wasn't good enough for you. . .you had to go and get other people involved in this mess you created?? Hasn't she been through enough??!! You are very rude and heartless. I hope you learn from this and never again stoop so low as to hurt someone the way you hurt my friend. SHAME ON YOU!!

Kim, I love you Lady!! Don't let her get you down . .. she doesn't deserve the time! You did the right thing by blowing her cover. I'm amazed at your compassion and loving her and not wanting to blow her cover or hurt her (when she deserves to be hurt). She doesn't deserve your love or your time!! She has more then proven that!! You are and always will be the better person!! {big hugs}

mrs. r said...

chelsia karlin is pathetic.


it almost makes me want to laugh if it weren't so pathetic.

my favorite is that you know she's like, "what kim has a new birth mom who is incredible and gorgeous and generous and shares REAL pieces of herself...that means she is not obsessing about me...i should make up lies about her and email them to people she cares about so that i can get the attention back on me..."

pot stirring. pot stirring.

the reality is that no one really cares about HER. everyone really only cares about YOU and your family.

"she" is probably some middle aged, bald, overweight, creepy man that sits in the dark with his greasy comb over in his dirty wife-beater with no pants on emailing people and pretending to be a chick. he probably plays dungeons and dragons and has an extensive medieval costume collection but doesn't have enough of a social life to have some place to wear them out to and no one to play fake swords with.

i'm pretty sure that's what chelsia karlin is really all about with her ipod selling on ebay and fake mesa high attendance.

oh the smack talking. there is some great stuff on here. good thing i live with a grizzly bear and have lots of lawyers in my family.

Amy said...

Kim I'm so sorry! I hope everything works out!

Rebecca Tyler said...

Kim, I am so sorry for you and your family. This is a horrible situation, indeed. I cannot imagine the pain you have all suffered. Satan travels many miles to try and detroy, but we all know he will NEVER win this battle. Keep looking up!

What a blessing that you have met your Juliet. Beautiful and joyful times are ahead. :o)

Our family will be keeping you and yours in our prayers.

Brenda said...

Kim, I am sorry you and your family had to go through this. I know all from our own personal experience with a stupid scammer how it feels. I am so happy you posted the info from "Someone's Missing" etc. You will be able to help many other couples avoid being victims. I would love to compare notes sometime...I wouldn't doubt if we were dealing with the same person.
I don't know if you remember me....I serve on NB for FSA and I was at your yard sale. :) I am so happy your "expecting". There ain't nothing like the REAL THING!
Happy Day!

Jennie said...

Sad! What a horrible thing to happen, especially when you are feeling so venerable. I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you are getting a happy ending, and I hope "c" goes to jail!

ps I like your blog!

Brenda said...

opps sorry my first line in my post is suppose to read "all to well". LOL I promise I don't think "know all".
:) Brenda

Flavio said...

A post from FLAVIO

Chelsia (or whatever your graceful name may be), you know! For a while I thought, "Man, I am frustrated for having wasted our emotions, love, and time on this ... lady"

Then I repented. I thought: "You know, maybe this person is in real emotional, mental, or simply missing some screws up in the noggin! Who that heck knows? Even worse, maybe she or someone that she really cares for went through a situation like the one she engaged with us, and maybe we didn’t waste our time.”

Well, I hope YOU can take the benefits of your involvement with us to better yourself or whoever you care for! (I hope you do have someone that you care for, or even that you have someone that will be able to ALWAYS care for you, it could be really sad to not be able to have that on a permanent basis.)

I don’t plan on (now) wasting any more time with you. Our feelings for you were honest and sincere. That was actually good; we got to exercise love and care.

I guess the only reason why we are investing a bit more time speaking about YOU (CHELSIA) is because the priorities have changed. You are in no way and probably will never be a priority in our lives, and perhaps in a lot of people's lives. However, our friends and loved ones continue to be a top priority. We simply want to make them aware of you.

Shan said...

WOW. Flavio. WOW. And Kimmie. There are not even words......I mean, to know that are people out there like HER. And then on the completely opposite end, people like YOU. There are certainly two opposite powers at work here. I am so sorry for all that have been put through. But the example that you and your family are of being pure, and true and forgiving, and moving on...I know that I speak for all those who read your blog when I say that you have taught some incredibly wonderful lessons, and we look up to you, admire you, and love you more than we can say!!

Holly said...

This is despicably and morally reprehensible. It's a level of nastiness I would only have though really selfish or damaged children capable of. I am sorry you had to go endure such a waste of your precious time and attention.

Christal said...

Kim I am so sorry you and your family had to go through this!!!!! what a very sad sad life this "C" has.
Taking something that hurts more than anything and making a mockery of it to all involved adoptive couples and birthmothers and all the feelings that go with it. Love mrs R's comment probably very close to the truth eh.
I am so so glad you wrote this to make us all aware. Your in our prayers. I have been meaning to email or something to ask what ever happened to "C". I never imagined anything so horrible as this. Hope it all clears up soon. Thank goodness for Juliett. Now that is a beautiful blessing.
love ya!!!!

Marty said...

Hey Casey!

Amy and Josh said...

That is awful Kim! Can't believe there are freaks out there who thrive off of doing this to others-how sick is that?? So glad you found Juliet!!

Katie said...

Wow! I've never heard of anything like this. It's amazing how low people stoop, and how evil they become.

I'm so sorry you and your family has had to go through this. I couldn't imagine the emotional turmoil she put you through.

Samantha said...

Words cannot express my horror at this, and also my joy at the previous posts. No one deserves an angel from heaven more than you.

Becky said...

Hey there! I am so glad that you posted this! We are getting ready to be at that point in our process and don't want to go through the heartache of that happening to us. Too bad that you went through it, but we ALL can learn from this. Also would you add us on? we ar at

Thanks a BUNCH!

jeremy and becky terry

mommyoffour said...

Kim, I had no idea all of this
happened to you! I always wondered what happened with everthing and now I know. I am so sorry that you had to endure all of this pain in so many different aspects.

I hope all goes well with the upcoming arrival of the new baby. You and your family deserve it more than I can say.

You are in our prayers.