Kate--9 Months

Welcome Home

What can I say, other than I almost had a nervous breakdown? Really, a really bad week last week. Yes, I am blessed, blah, blah, you have all heard that so I won't get into it, but things have been rough. I am thankful to be feeling a bit more on top. Thank you for the support of my dear friends. After a lengthy discussion with my sweet husband, I feel I owe anonymous an apology. I don't know who you are, but you helped me take a long look at my life. I hope that when you come here, you will see that I am just a normal girl, living a normal life, trying to be the best that I can be. Although I must say that trials are hard, if you have never been in the abyss of depression, I hope that it is a place you never have to be. It is a very lonely place and all of the happy thoughts and blessings in the world will not help you out of it. It is my hope that the things written here in the future can help lift people, help them feel more normal, because that is the reason I do this.

I am a little crazy, that is probably why I deleted my blog last week, I just felt so much weight and pressure from all sides I didn't think I could handle one more thing, one more item to have to worry about. I think a lot of this had to do with school. I want to be better, I want this to be a place where you can come and feel uplifted and leave with something to make you a better person. As much as I love my family, I may have days where they are driving me mad, if you have ever had a three year old, you will understand this, but most days, I am full of so much love and gratitude for them. My family is my life, they are my goals and my aspirations. Without them I am nothing, without them there is no me!

So, welcome back. I hope that you will welcome me back and forgive me for my craziness...ah life!

More School Project

...Just a few more from my Imogen Cunningham assignment. I present it tomorrow, been spending ALL day preparing for it. Very neat to shoot in low light, high apertures, and with a tripod.

I had to bribe the little man into helping me today. I told him that if he helped me with my homework he wouldn't have to take a nap. It worked like a charm! ;) Love that little guy!

Give Your Support

I just read this post from Moosh in Indy, it is worth reading, something we all need to look out for:

Help kick cancer in the keester.

The following post was written by Whymommy at Toddler Planet...

We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, in fact, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?

I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.

Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked … funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.

Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.

There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.

Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.

You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.


P.S. Feel free to steal this post too. I’d be happy for anyone in the blogosphere to take it and put it on their site, no questions asked. Dress it up, dress it down, let it run around the place barefoot. I don’t care. But I want the word to get out. I don’t want another young mom — or old man — or anyone in between — to have to stare at this thing on their chest and wonder, is it mastitis? Is it a rash? Am I overreacting? This cancer moves FAST, and early detection and treatment is critical for survival.

Thank you.

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Please go give your support to Whymommy. I'm turning off comments here.

Miss Abby

Feeling very full of gratitude this week. Had a very fun time photographing Miss Abby...more to follow.

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About Me

I thought...

...that a blog was a place to share one's innermost thoughts. One's hopes and fears...one's joys and sorrows. I received about five e-mails today from some of the dearest people I know who happened to read the comment that "anonymous" left for me this morning. Lucky me, I happened to read it after school today and have literally been SICK all day. I am not sure who it was, I wish that if you felt you could say those things about me, and you honestly enjoyed reading my blog, then you could add to my life instead of hinder it. In response to that comment, I received this e-mail...I wasn't going to address this, and not make a big deal out of it, but I feel that I had to. While I will omit the portion with the comment I will let you read the reaction that just one person had to it. I could not have explained it better myself:

"Hey Woman,

Please forgive me if this adds any stress to your life, I don't want it to. I just want to tell you how much I love you and why.

To me, you write like a real person. Like a person who doesn't have a perfect life, and isn't afraid to admit it. You are bold. You are brave. I'm such a chicken that I never put my feelings and my struggles on my blog because I'm scared to do so. I admire your courage to tell the world that "Hey, sometimes I feel like poop, but because of my testimony, I know I'm going to get through it!" And you share your testimony, all the time. I think that is amazing.

The times you've written about being in a funk and down in the dumps, it has helped me tremendously to know that I'm not the only one. I don't feel like it portrays negativity, but hope for a brighter day tomorrow. It shows the amazing capacity of love that you have for your family, and the high expectation you have of yourself in taking care of them and trying your hardest to please your Heavenly Father in the role he has blessed you with. To me, it shows that you actually understand the responsibilities that you have, and that yes, it can be a very daunting and difficult task. It also shows that YOU know that you'll get through it. You know He is there for you.

I love you Kim. Your stories have taught me so much. You are such a strong and faithful woman and I am SO grateful for the example that you have set for me. I didn't post this on your blog because I didn't want to cause you any undo stress by "anonymous" telling me how I misunderstood what they were trying to say, which I may have done. I am sorry if this upsets you, I really don't mean it to. I just love you and your darling sweet family so very very much. We have been so blessed by knowing you."

Lots and lots of love,

"A Courageous Friend Who Shared Her Name!"

So, perhaps now you will understand if sometimes it appears that I am negative about my family. It is SO hard to juggle family, home, chores, motherhood, children, and be a student, photographer, friend, hold a calling, and support everyone around me...and sometimes I don't always share the roses and sunshine...sometimes I just needed a place to share my feelings and felt protected enough to share them of all places, on MY blog! I do not do this for the reasurrance of others. I don't even need to explain myself now. It is enough to know that I DO have a testimony. I have had A LOT of crap dealt to me throughout my life, depression/suicide/nervous breakdowns run RAMPANT throughout my family...so if I seem a bit negative sometimes, well then perhaps I am going through a slump, if you don't like it, you are invited not to read. Suffice it to say that I adore my family with ALL of my heart. I know who I am, I have so much FAITH IN ME, in my potential, that if all I had left in the world was me and my testimony, I would not falter.

I know that we all have our struggles, we all have things in our path that make us stumble, let us help lift eachother, we have enough put at each of our feet that we don't need to make things harder for one another. If you knew me, you would already know that!

Jeanette & Chad

This couple is so adorable. Thank you so much for putting your trust in me to photograph you. There is just so much love between them it is amazing. It helped me remember what love is all about.

So, Chad was totally giving her "THE" ring in that photograph, it wasn't staged at all! Really neat to be there for such a high emotion setting. (Even though they were already engaged, to have the ring! Well, that makes it official!)

Self

I am sorry if people misunderstood the reasons why I closed my other blog. Well, I can understand, I was pretty upset yesterday...and I could have worded things better! ;) Mostly, I was sad that the people closest to me couldn't take the time to read it anymore...i.e. hubby being one of them! I just have so many things on my plate right now, that I had to let something go. I just don't want anyone being disappointed if I can't post...but part of my being busy has been very good. Business has been booming around here, and that means more photo goodness. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE PHOTOS?

These are a sampling of my self portrait shoot. The second one is part of a research paper I am doing on Imogen Cunningham. We have to take some photographs and "bring our photographer forward". I hope that makes sense, there is a lot of mumbo jumbo to it, but this will suffice for now. Anyway, she took this portrait of a woman's hair and I just loved it, my take is not quite as astonishing, but I love it nonetheless.

I booked quite a few weddings in the past two weeks, so I had to make a few purchases in preparation. I got a new lens (really fun) and a new camera body as a backup. I am still working out the kinks and trying to understand the differences in metering between my oldie and my newbie, but for the most part I think I am getting the hang of it! I am really excited about the many changes happening in our lives, there was just a lot of stuff happening all at once, and I need it to slow down just a bit, which it will in another week for certain.

Hope that everyone knows I love them...and I will keep blogging, because I still need it, just maybe not as much!

Karlee

Tim, Cassie, & Alyssa

Tom & Liz

Nate and Tina