Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Choose to be Happy

The last two nights have kept me awake into the wee hours of the morning. This insomnia makes waking up the next morning extremely difficult. However, my mind does not turn off and it reels and reels and reels until somehow I get it to quiet down.

These past two nights I have blogged. In my mind. Too tired to get up and wake up my body even more by blasting my eyes and mind with a computer, I lay there and I write. In my heart, and in my mind, and somehow in the still of the night it quiets my heart. This meditation of sorts helps me to realize all that I am working toward to be better.

Last night my dialogue had a lot to do with how things are going in my "Choose to be Happy" mantra. Sometimes in life we have these enormous epiphanies, and it can be easy to let them go and forget how utterly life changing they were for us. We so easily can become bogged down by the every single day, and the worries that we forget that we are choosing something different. Our focus is not going to be on the difficult times, the times that stretch us to our very limits, but rather that there can be happiness during those times. 

I am happy to say that for the last month, I have been doing well. I have been trying to remind myself that if I am happy, the rest doesn't matter. Happiness is better for my physical, psychological and emotional bodies. I have felt it, I have worked for nothing less. The problem? We have a million other things trying to tear us down. We have hard trials, struggles, and people who want nothing more than for us to fail and wallow in our misery.

Last night was hard. It was dark. I was sad. I was lonely, I was depressed and it was so hard for me to see any sort of light or happiness. Then I remembered that I just had to. I had to take deep breaths until I found some sort of light and happiness and hope in my life. Eventually, after the fourth hour I found it. That, along with the help of some Xanax, I eventually found peace, and rest, and sleep.

I was able to wake this morning refreshed and ready to take on a new day.

Even when life is hard, it continues to be good, especially when I choose to be happy.


Holly Reed said...

I am glad you're doing better. Happiness really is mostly an internal issue. I used to hate the story of Job because I thought he was crazy not to be angry. If I look at it less literally it reminds me that happiness isn't something we arrive at once our problems are all solved. It's something we have to create so that our problems recede.

Becky Rose said...

I'm been taking sleep aid since January for that very reason, but I struggle with keeping awake at work weather I took it or not. I'm depressed to. I need more hours in the day just for me. Good Luck with you're goal!

Emily said...

You continue to serve as an inspiration through your beautiful words, wonderful spirit and of course your photography. Love you.

Sarah said...

My Daddy used to say to me every morning..."I'm going to be happy today!" It used to drive me nuts, but I am grateful for the lesson. We can choose to be happy, even when life is difficult...and to see the good things. You, my friend, are a good thing. Much love to you. xo

The Gilded Pear said...

You are always so strong and continue to amaze me. I love your gutts and always appreciate your honesty.