Finding Hope

All shot on a Contax 645, 80mm 2.0 at f/2.8, on Kodak Portra 400 Film

I wish I could say I was the sole brain child behind this conceptual shoot. However, this session comes from my good friend Duston. This man oozes creativity. I attended his workshop last March where we learned a lot about shooting from our hearts and souls. He is going to be having another workshop in 2012. I suggest you check it out. I came across these images this week when looking for photographs to donate to my tiny friend Holden.

When I first shot these they were meaningless to me, everything was pretty much meaningless. I had just had the shock of my life given to me by my sweetheart. I was feeling like less than garbage. I was just days into the worst torment of my life. I left that workshop a heap of despair. I got the images back and there they sat for months and months until I came across them this week.

They speak to me now. I am this woman. I am the one bound and trapped. I am the one hoping and praying for release. I am the one wishing for shears to cut through the ties that are binding me.

I weep.

For as this woman has found her way out, I am still trapped, held, bound. I am struggling to breathe. To wish. To dream. To hope. My sadness is tangible, it is real, it is dark and it is ugly. For the first time in my thirty years of life I am struggling to know what to do, what steps to take. How to rely on anyone else but myself.

The problem is, I don't trust anyone. Least of all myself.

I come back to this blog for the next while. Not in hopes of sharing my portfolio, or my fun blogging adventures. Instead, to get back to the whole entire reason I started this blog, to share my innermost thoughts. The pathway ahead is rough, it is scary. I am at a precipice. There is nothing before me but a huge divide. I stand on the edge unsure of what to do.

Here I will find my refuge.

Here I will figure a way out of this pain that is binding me.

Here I will find hope.

Shops at Riverwoods | Provo, Utah

A few weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to spend a morning with some fabulous ladies at the fabulous Shops at Riverwoods in Provo.

I had the honor of visiting Blickenstaff's Toy Store, Ike's Ice Cream the Provo Beach Resort, Zion's Mercantile where I got to meet the fabulous Robert Boyd and the day ended with a most exquisite lunch at La Jolla Groves Restaurant. A special thanks to the talented Bryce Olsen for photographing the event for us so that we could enjoy it all the more.

The morning started out at the beautiful and fun and my new favorite toy store, Blickenstaff's.

Where we got to play with toys to our heart's content. I love this about Blickenstaff's. A toy store where you can actually try it before you buy it. They also have so many unique toys as well as vintage toys. Check them out for your holiday shopping as they are having some fantastic deals for the 12 days of Christmas up until Christmas Eve.

Next we were blessed to try out the famous Ike's Ice Cream. Ike's is a quaint little ice cream shop inside Provo Beach Resort. It has an old time feel right down to the red booth seating and the old fashioned Coke machine. Oh and the ice cream is divine. This coming from a non ice cream eater. I did eat it and it was terrific. I will definitely be back.

Provo Beach Resort? Did you know Provo had such a thing? From an indoor ropes course to mini croquet to an indoor Flow Rider, Provo Beach Resort is the place to be this winter when it is icy and cold. The beachy fun can last all year through with all the activities available at the Provo Beach Resort. What is a Flow Rider? I didn't know either, but it is, well, you have to see it, the best way to describe it is to call it a surf machine. There are only three in the state of Utah, and Provo Beach Resort has one. Go and try it out, it looks like a blast.

Our next stop was the Zion's Mercantile . Full of beautiful artwork and replica's of vintage books and dishes, Zion's Mercantile is the place for those who love all things LDS history. My favorite items were the reconstructed Books of Mormon and guns from Porter Rockwell. It was so neat to see the kinds of things he liked to carry with him. If my grandfather were still alive he would most definitely be getting one of those from me.

Zion's Mercantile was where we got to meet the wonderful LDS photographer and artist Robert Boyd. You may not recognize his name, but if you are LDS or in an LDS community you are certain to have seen his artwork. It was so fun as a photographer to get to discuss his process with him and to pick his brain a little bit on how he captures his images and how he ends with the images he does. Beautiful art, beautiful man with a beautiful wife who it was also a pleasure to meet.

Our day ended with one of the most delightfully delicious meals I have ever eaten at La Jolla Groves. I loved meeting the owner and the chef. I loved to see their passion for the food they make and serve at their restaurant. The food is truly delicious. My favorite? It was hard to choose just one, but most definitely the Chicken Stuffed Crepes. They are also working on their seasonal menu. I personally can't wait to get back and stuff my body full of all of the deliciousness.

**Disclaimer: This was a sponsored blogging event. I received a very fun afternoon with some spectacular ladies. We were gifted a few fun items from each vendor, especially ice cream and lunch. I was however, not paid monetarily for this review and the opinions expressed herein are my own honest review of these companies.**