The body image versus weight game.

Left: 205 lbs Right: 173lbs (30+inches lost over my entire body!)

Last night, my friends convinced me to post this comparison photo that I posted on Facebook in November of last year. It was such a stark reality for me, to finally see the reality of all the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears I had endured in 2011 to get down to 173lbs. My body is a rock. It doesn't respond to exercise in a 'normal' fashion. It took me a full year to lose 32 pounds. I remember almost wanting to starve myself silly to get to the 30lb mark. I was so tired of hovering around 26-28lbs lost. It didn't seem like enough, it still doesn't.

However, looking at these photos helps me to see how far I have come. A few weeks back I decided to do another round of p90x. I got 3 weeks in, and after watching the scale creep up 8lbs...yes, 8lbs, I decided I needed another workout for me. While I had gained 8lbs I had lost 3" off of my total body (nothing got bigger...just small, tiny losses over my body over the 3 week period) I decided that it was time I tried to really focus on eating and on a more cardio based workout versus a full weight lifting workout like p90x is. While I love p90x, stepping on the scale and seeing that number going up to 181lbs was so depressing, so hurtful to all the hard work I was doing. I started Slim in 6 three weeks ago this coming Monday. I love it. The entire workout is just under an hour and I feel it targeting every single muscle in my body. I hurt in the morning, I don't dread doing it, I work up a sweat, and I dare say I *almost* enjoy it.

I talk to myself each day. I tell myself, "You lost three inches! That is SO amazing! Focus on that!" I haven't stepped on the scale since day one of Slim in 6. I feel happy about that. I worry I am creeping up, but my body feels better. I feel happier, I feel thinner. I have to realize that I may never hit that 'goal' weight on the scale. I may never see the number 140lbs ever, ever again. My body is just that, mine. As long as I am feeding it right, exercising, and doing all I can to reach my goals, I need to love myself for that. I need to love my image.

I am trying.

I can say this much though, I love that girl on the right a lot more than the girl on the left. I can't wait to love the girl on the right much more than the girl in the middle when and if that photo ever comes.

Here is to a new girl standing in the right in 2012.