ME!

Photograph Courtesy of Reed Photographic

It has been a while since I have done this, posted thoughts, deep things of my heart. I feel so very blessed for the life I have lately. Things have been stressful indeed, it always seems like one thing after another, after another. I feel like I have let some people down, but then again, feel like I have done some wonderful things...hoping all of that evens out in the wash.

The last week or so I have taken some major inventory of my life. What is important? What isn't? What can I do more to be on the track I want. I thought back to a time in my life when I had it "all together" back then I was waking up early, going to bed at a decent hour, attending the gym, eating right, taking the best care of Jay (he was a year old) and I was organized, studying the scriptures, and fulfilling my duties as a primary teacher. Granted, I wasn't in school and I wasn't running a business and keeping my husband going with his business, but all of that aside, I determined last week that I need to do more, be more, and feel the happiness I felt back then when I had it all together.

Just to share with you a bit of what I have been doing, hopefully it may inspire someone else, and may continue to give me the strength I need to move forward in my quest. About a month ago I gave up soda. Seriously that was a struggle for me! I loved me a Dr. Pepper. I get headaches a lot and would always use soda as a crutch. I still get headaches, but I feel like I am medicating myself less frequently, whether it be with a soda or Excedrin. I noticed that once I gave that up it was easier for me to make other changes, eating less, eating better (SO not EVEN close to being perfect, but BETTER!) and slowly over the course of the time I quit I have been able to talk myself into being more active. On Saturday I ran further than I have ever run before in a single stretch. I am not a strong athlete, nor runner, but for me this was a victory. Since then I have been able to talk myself into running 15 more yards everyday. This is so hard, it is a very mental thing. Every one I talk to who runs tell me how mental it is, just getting yourself to that place is so very hard. The first day I went back I had my mind in that place, but I have to admit it has been a struggle. I am not an everyday runner, but plan on keeping it as part of my exercise regimine and doing a little more to improve myself and push myself. I just feel better (albeit beat, but better!) I am also doing more of the group classes at the gym, I am not sure what my physical goals are, just anything I can do to improve myself all the way around.

This is really personal, but Hubbs and I have decided to do Foster Care in hopes of getting our next child here sooner. We have been "finding" a birthmother for five months with LDSFS and have heard nothing. No phone calls, no e-mails. My heart is aching. This is such a hard thing for me to share, since I feel a lot of questions and judgements from people because of it, "Why are you adopting, can't you have your "own" children?" "Why can't you just be happy with the two you have?" The answers don't come easy. I think about them all the time, but it just comes down to the fact that I don't feel like we are done. I honestly and completely feel like there is one more child to join our family. The only way I can feel at peace is to do all that I can to get them here. I imagine the feelings would be the same had I adopted J and Memms, and feel like no matter what I am in the right place in my life. This does not go without saying I am not fearful, I think like most couples we just don't want to wait for years and years. I don't want to be holding onto something for so long that it consumes my life, that when I look back I regret losing time for even a second with my little ones now. So, even though my heart is aching I am trying to focus my energy onto J and Memm, and hoping that while I do that someone out there can help us find our next child soon. We are so happy, and for the first time in a while I am feeling hopeful that a change is coming.

Life is good despite the slowing real estate market. We have been blessed to have a few clients in Hubb's back pocket to get us through this slump, and through it all we are able to make ends meet. This is a true testament to me of how mindful Heavenly Father is of our little family. We are making it work and I am thrilled, something I wasn't sure was going to happen when we moved into this beautiful home. I am so happy here, I just feel so good to be home and with our family, it is just so nice.

I have been reading, like CRAZY. Even with all of that I am impressed at how much I am getting accomplished. I am a reading addict. I just finished the Stephanie Meyer series, SO GOOD...I highly recommend that series. To be honest, and I am not sure why, I hated the first book and a half, but by the second half of two and #3 I was hooked! Definitely cannot wait until #4 comes out next fall. I just finished The Glass Castle. I recall seeing a show about Jeanette Walls and her family a few years back. I am so impressed with her memoir, a very good read, and a very good kick in the butt for the rest of us. If you have some time, I suggest you pick one up.

Well, that is about it, how is that for an update on ME? Hope things are going wonderfully for the rest of you!