Checking In

My 'weighing in' day is Monday.



I have had a pretty busy week and wasn't able to check in on Monday.

I decided on Monday also that I would only take photos every other week.

Mostly because my husband is hard to find and I was too tired to change into my

'hideous outfit' on Monday.



Anyway, my stats:

	Last Week:	This Week:
Weight:	195	193.4
Neck:	14.5”	14”
Bust:	40.5”	39.75”
Bicep:	14”	13.75”
Waist:	41.5”	36”
Buttocks:	47”	46”
Thigh:	27”	26.75”
Calf:	15.25	15”

Before you all get too excited, I measured myself first thing in the morning

(which I will continue to do every Monday when I wake up.)

I think that is the main difference in the measurements.

I'll take it though.

Also I really feel like my back fat has diminished.

I relate most of these differential measurements on the fact I am de-toxing with water and healthier foods.

Anyway, these are all theories.



I lost 1.6 pounds. Exactly on target with myfitnesspal.



Do I wish it was more?

Of course.



Am I thankful this is the right and healthy way to do this?

YES!



xoxo

Hoping to Adopt Again--Jeremy & Leslie

Meet:

Leslie and Jeremy

Leslie and Jeremy are the proud parents of a sweet little three year old Emmy.
They long to welcome a sweet new addition to their family of three.
Emmy is excited to be a big sister and prays for her birth mother every night, as well as the birth parents of her little brother or sister she and her mom and dad are earnestly searching for.



They are a family who loves to have fun, and enjoy all the time they can being together.
Jeremy is crazy about Survivor, while Leslie can't get enough of American Idol.

I like Jeremy because he LOVES One Republic...and I love Leslie because she loves the smell of home-made cake. Have I ever mentioned that -I- LOVE homemade cake?


SO, go and take a look at their sweet profile and catch a glimpse of their blog.

Let's get this party started!

(The first of many installments of Clip Art Craziness by J-Dawg. My kid is a freaking genius. Just so we are all aware. His work is copyrighted, but please feel free to use any of his images for personal use.)

Friends!

I have started a private blog for all of you who would like to join me on this journey.
I know some of you are not quite ready, but I would like to invite you anyway.

Leave me a comment on this post with your e-mail address, and I will send you author permissions to write to the 'journey' blog:

Shredding with Simply Me

Blog will go private after Thursday, when I start e-mailing permissions to author.

I want this to be a community where we can feel comfortable to share photos, weight loss goals and struggles as well as support and cheering and 'hurrays'!

As soon as the blog goes private I will share a bit more
(on that blog)
what I would like everyone to share.

As for this blog?
You will all get to see photos of me every other week, as well as a weigh in/measurement check.

Thanks for being SO supportive guys.
It has helped me eat better, work hard, wake up earlier, and go to bed sooner.
Also, THANK YOU for the
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
referral...holy smokes, all of my journey friends need to sign up there
NOW
(and add me as a friend)
it will change your life!
(Channel the likes of FREE Weight Watchers.)

I am on this road and I am going to burn. it. up!

xoxo

My Journey

Tonight. Shot on a Polaroid 600SE with Fuji FP-100c.

On a journey.

I was discussing with Loralee last night.
Sharing with her how I just told the world I went off of my depression medication after two years of being on it.
I haven't been up on blogs since Millz came home, so I was not aware that she too had gone off of hers. I was surprised to hear that so many people were not supportive of her doing so.

I support her.
I support anyone who is trying to do what is best for them and their family.
I have had a very SMALL handful of hurtful comments directed towards me
since I went off of my medication.
The very sad and hurtful thing is that only those closest to me knew I was weaning off of them, and knew the actual time that they were no longer a part of my routine.

Those comments hurt the most.
To those people, I lovingly and kindly say, you have never been in my shoes.
I am holding myself together quite well.
It is all for the better and I am better for it.
I am strong!

I have been off for 6 weeks.
I cannot tell you the difference I am feeling in my life. I
can cry again, I can feel emotions.

I will be honest, sometimes they are overwhelming, and I have to keep myself in check and talk myself down when emotions are high...but I am DOING it.
I am winning.
I feel like ME again.
I have missed me.

One of the big reasons I decided to wean off, was because my doctor and I decided it was time to try. Also, because I have been packing on weight like no other. A few weeks ago I weighed as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Jothan (my heaviest weight.)
Today?
I weigh exactly five pounds less than that weight.

195.

You are all smart. You can do the math. 200 pounds.
All I want to do lately is hide.
I don't like going out, and we are having family photographs tomorrow, and I could just cry.

BUT, since going off of my medication, and feeling again, I have more control (believe it or not.) In the last 3 healthy weeks (cuz I was a sickie)
I have lost 7 lbs.

So, why am I telling you all of this?
To help someone else out there who is going through the same thing I am.
I am starting a weight loss journey, and as hard as it is to put it out to you that I got myself to this point, I want you to see that I can get to where I need to be to be healthy again.

I am EXCITED.
I have a plan.
I want you to join me on that plan if you are in the same place I am.
I want to be able to run without pain again.

Do you want to join me?
Publicly or privately I want you to make a plan and update weekly on your progress.

We can do this together.
I am even considering taking photos.
I may scare all of you away if I do that so I haven't decided for sure.
Would you like me to? Even if it is Biggest Loser honesty?

So, I am starting with my official weight being 193.
Let's get this party started.
I have a BIG reward for myself when I reach my goal weight of 140.
I will share that with you as we get closer to that weight.

Love you guys.
Thank you for loving me.
Watch me learn to love myself again.

***POST EDIT***

Before:

Weight: 195
Neck: 14.5
Bust: 40.5
Bicep: 14
Waist: 41.5
Buttocks: 47
Thigh: 27
Calf: 15.25

Just remember you were warned.
GAH.

**True Story**
As I changed into these workout clothes, J-dawg says to me:
"Mom, how come you are wearing those clothes?"
I proceed to tell him about how I want to lose weight and feel better about myself.
Emm says: "You are going to take pictures in that?"
Me: "Yes."
Emm: "That is going to be HIDEOUS!"

...and she is right.

I need motivation.

Here I am.





I freaking heart clothes.

Where is my 'heart'?

I think I lost it.

Somewhere between the painful year 2008 until now.

2 years is a really long time to not 'feel' anything.
I wish sometimes I could go back and not have to live through the pain. I wish I could have enjoyed a few things better, like my workshops, Hawaii, my family. March of 2008 was such a turning point for me. It is so emotional just talking about it. I met with a new friend today and all but bawled talking about how much has changed since then.

I wish I had known how to deal with my grief in a more positive way.
I got caught up in myself. SO selfish. I am not a selfish person. I hate selfish people. I have hated myself.
As much as my heart breaks for this family...she has helped me through SO much, more than I could ever tell her, and how thankful I am to know her IRL.
Thanks Nat.

The past four months have been a whirlwind.
I made the choice on December 30 that I would make the transition back to shooting film. I have made drastic changes in my life, saved a lot of money...and still in the process of doing so. By making these decisions I am finding my heart again.
My inner peace, my solace, myself.

I plan on sharing some stuff with you guys in the near future, stuff that I need to share and to account for so that I can continue to find my heart, my changed heart and try to mold it back into what it once was. Part of it has to deal with my weight. Another part my weaning off of my depression meds. 2 months strong and I am FEELING again. WOW. I will share the good and the bad with that.

I feel like I have been living under a sheet for two years. I am coming out of a fog, and I want to share my journey with you as I depart from the dense into the light.

Join me.

Until next time...

So...uhm...

...I just won a ticket to THIS.

I think I might faint.

NYC here I come!

Devin

(shot on fuji 400h and kodak bw400cn i heart film)

View entire session and order prints here.

M.I.A.

It seems like our little house has been hit hard with illness this winter.

This past week has been no exception, especially with this little one.
She has been SO sick.
After 48 hours and three VERY sleepless nights, I took her into the doctor.
Ear infection. He listened to her lungs, and we were given the strict warning to watch her over the next 24 hours to make certain her breathing did not worsen.
Did you know pneumonia was going around for these tinies?
Neither did I!

Luckily, after her second day of eating only 12 ounces (yes that is for the WHOLE day)
and not eating for 24 hours before that...
she is still holding her own.
Not better, but not worse, and after FIVE sleepless nights,
of holding and sleeping with her on the couch...tonight
she is SLEEPING.
SOUNDLY
Not a cough here or there.
I think we may be out of the woods.

Bliss.

Anyway, that is where I have been.
Hoping that as she gets feeling better I can get back to the blogging game.
I have so much to discuss...and guys, I am WORKING again, so that means I will get to visit your bloggy blogs when I work!

See you soon!

Abby & Cameron